Collateral Damage

A California artist and gallery owner has been accused of defrauding investors. The Federal Bureau of Investigation is investigating allegations that self-styled “Painter of Light” Thomas Kinkade and some of his top executives fraudulently induced investors to open galleries and then ruined them financially, former dealers contacted by federal agents said.

Quoth the Wall Street Journal:

Public, Political Pressure May Rise
As Inquiry Looks Into Possibility
Of Manipulation in Gas, Oil Prices

Federal investigators are examining whether BP manipulated crude-oil and unleaded-gasoline markets, signaling a rise in regulatory scrutiny of the British energy giant, said lawyers and traders close to the case.

See here we all thought that by green they meant concern for the environment. That claim was so ludicrous (see Alaskan oil fields) but now it makes sense: Green = $. And it’s refreshingly honest, too.
If these allegations are true it proves that BP has problems on more than just a moral level. How dumb does a gas/oil company have to be to bother with manipulating markets in THIS economy? Mr. Gild, meet Mr. Lilly. Even by my lax standards this falls under “excessive profit taking.”

A trip to Moscow will no longer be the top prize in a nationwide school quiz on the Hungarian uprising against Soviet domination, following pressure on the government, the Hungarian education ministry has said.

“I think we’re in good shape. There’s no question in my mind, we’re ready.” — ” Don Powell, the Bush administration’s coordinator of Gulf Coast rebuilding, on New Orleans’ levee system.

The first installment of a series from Mrs. Collateral Damage who knows more about The World of Mouse than you do (trust me, she’s been to all of them except Hong Kong).

1. There is a proper way to eat a Mickey bar in 100 degree heat. Mickey bars are by nature rather top-heavy, and prone to splattering on the sidewalk if not consumed properly. To protect your Mickey bar from an untimely end, keep it in the bag, exposing approximately 1/2″ of bar at a time. If the bar does collapse, it should fall into the bag and remain retrievable.
2. Light eaters can get by with the children’s meals at counter service restaurants. The chicken poppers at California Adventure’s (aka Lame-O-Land West) Taste Pilot’s Grill are a reasonably good sized serving, and come in a souvenier snack box that’s handy for storing craft supplies.
3. In Disneyland’s New Orleans’ Square, you can buy “make your own pirate” headgear, based on either a Jack Sparrow wig or a bandana/do-rag. The wigs and do-rags are a little over-priced (welcome to capitalism, kids), but the add-ons are reasonably inexpensive for a little Do-It-Yourself Disney fashion. The snap-on patches come in designs both classic and trendy, and can be converted to sew-on patches with careful use of an exacto knife on the flip side. Examine the patches carefully; you’ll see which ones are actually embroidered, and which are painted on (the embroidered ones are likely to hold up better in the wash, over time).
4. If you prefer the last car of the rollercoaster, or want to sit in the driver’s section of the monorail, don’t be afraid to ask a Disney Cast Member (nicely). Nobody’s told me no yet.
5. If you go to see Muppets 3D, in Lame-O-Land West, try to time your arrival so you can see the entire pre-show. If you arrive at the end of the pre-show, consider sticking around to watch the whole thing before taking in the main attraction. Many fans think it’s better than the 3D movie itself, as do many of the Cast Members.

• Also, I simply must sing the praises of the Disney lost-and-found system. One Friday night recently, I was in Lame-O-Land West, having had a lovely time celebrating my 40th birthday. I lost an important pouch, which held my (very expensive) seven-day Disneyland ticket, a gift card, and my hotel key. I talked to a series of Cast Members, all of whom were kind and helpful, and who re-united me with my lost things within 15 minutes. It could have been a nightmare, but it was hardly a blip in my evening. I love Disneyland for its dreams-come-true sentimentality and it’s nostalgic appeal, but in the long run that wouldn’t be enough on its own; ultimately it’s this kind of attention to detail and service that keeps me a loyal customer.

WARSAW (Reuters) - Warsaw’s symbol, a half naked mermaid, will have her chest covered on a poster promoting the Miss World competition after the original version was judged too erotic.

Because organizers want you to stare at women in bikinis, but not in an erotic way? Maybe the Miss World competition couldn’t stand the competition.

Cancer Cluster Fuck

It’s been one of those weeks.

Looks like we have hit the age of iNtimacy. The business world has finally figured out to conjoin the darling of Apple’s I and our more base urges. First there is the iGroove Panty, which lets you attach your iPod nano to a pair of lacey underthingies. Not sure exactly why you would want to do this but to each his or her own, just try not to frighten the horses. Also, there are currently at least two iPod related vibrators on the market. The OhMiBod  (shouldn’t that be the ohmIbod?) and the iBuzz both can be used with any MP3 player (rumor has it there are others on the market, yes?) and provide implements that will “pulsate in time to the music.” Sadly, I have no doubt we can all expect some gender equality on this front in the near future.

The Complete New Yorker Portable Hard Drive

“Over 4,000 issues of your favorite magazine now sit, ready for you to search and savor, on an 80G incredibly light-weight and travel-friendly drive. This high-performance, brush-aluminum hard drive measures only 3″ x 5″ and can easily fit inside a purse or briefcase, so it’s a cinch to show off to your tech-savvy friends and co-workers.”

Who the hell is the audience for this?

It is once again safe to wear gel-filled bras on airplanes.The TSA pretty much HAD to do this as it realized the only other move would have been to ban breast implants as well which would have shut down LAX.

I know what I want for Christmas (via Neatorama):

Cross? Heck, he was furious. And he wasn’t alone.

The restaurant in Mumbai, India, opened a week ago using posters of the Fuehrer and Nazi swastikas for publicity. After being blasted by the Germans, all four of India’s Jews and the Israelis, the eatery today agreed to change its name. Under consideration: Benito’s Bistro, Mao’s Munchies and Stallin’s Steaks.

“We acknowledge that the name adopted by us for our restaurant was most inappropriate,” Satish Sabhlok, one of the owners of the multi-cuisine restaurant, said in a statement. “Our intention was not to glorify Hitler or his atrocities or ideology in any way and we regret the anguish caused by the use of this name.”

Ahh, the old stupidity defense. Hard for me to believe it, though. I think Satish just figured out that Hitler is about as unappetizing a name as you can come up with.

In a week sorely in need of silly news at last we get some: Pluto is no longer a planet. Blogistan is a twitter with this one (good post on it by all-around-nice-guy David Gianatasio over @ Adfreak) but no one has yet ferreted out the secret agenda for this move: It helps Disney. If Pluto is no longer a planet, doesn’t that help The Mouse’s quest to keep copyright on everything it owns forever? Huh? Well, doesn’t it? Why hasn’t anyone tried to interview Goofy (Error: Pluto is Mickey’s dog, not Goofy’s. Bad fact checking department, bad!)? What’s his take? C’mon people! Am I the ONLY responsible journalist on this one?

Striptease send-offs at funerals may become a thing of the past in east China after five people were arrested for organizing the intimate farewells, state media reported on Wednesday.

Hmmm, how about jello wrestling?

… Without getting killed or caught/I’d be down that road in a cloud of smoke/For some land that I ain’t bought

– Guy Clark, LA Freeway

Oceanside, California is an interesting little town. It’s next to Camp Pendleton, the huge Marine Corps base, and because of this it has a long and glorious history as a military R&R town with bars, tatoo parlors and motels that would rent rooms by the hour. Apparently the town fathers (and/or mothers) didn’t really think that this was a sustainable economic model and have been scrubbing at Oceanside in an effort to make it less interesting and therefore more tourist friendly. Fortunately they have only slightly succeeded.

A honky tonk feel still lingers around the downtown. It has a number of bars I wouldn’t enter in the evening unless I had a very short haircut and the ability to really mean it when I shouted SEMPER FI! Likewise all the shops that sell military surplus goods. In addition, the town is also a big draw among surfers and is home to a surfing museum that is only slightly larger than the postcards it sells. Because of this residue of seediness, the town remains wonderfully free of the chain stores and mallification that has engulfed the rest of the state.

Searching for breakfast one morning, I and the rest of the Collateral Damage clan headed south on 101 in Oceanside and came across Bessie’s diner, my one encounter with the sublime during nine days in the Golden State.

Bessie’s hasn’t been redecorated since it opened in what I guess would be the mid-’50s. Since then the decor has changed more by accretion than design and consists mostly of a number of trophies for playing pool, a poster of John Wayne and a large black-and-white picture of Rigo, who is either owner or co-owner. In the picture he is dashing in the 1940s movie star way with a pencil thin mustache and a dashing look. Today he still speaks with a hispanic accent and his looks have made the transition from the star to the character actor. The pencil mustache remains, augmented by the creases of age, some gray mixed in his hair and a slight paunch.

He had such an air about him that I asked if he was ever in the movies to which he said no and laughed, then went in back to tell his wife who may or may not have been the original Bessie but who found the comment as funny as he did. In addition to a magnificent plate of huevos rancheros and superb coffee, Bessie’s also featured a wonderful selection of locals wandering in and out: Surfers — both caucasian with long-hair and African-American with dreadlocks, Hispanic workers only speaking in Spanish, and what looked to be a retired Marine or two. Everyone spoke to each other with the familiarity of regulars if not outright friends. It feels like the only place I was in during the entire vacation that didn’t sell t-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with its logo. It felt authentic and not calculated. A blessed relief from the pre-packaged feeling endemic to the region. That morning will now stay in my head as the cherished moment of the vacation, a memory I can pull out that relaxes me and makes me happy. Which means Bessie’s now has a slot in my mind next to the rear-courtyard of the Louvre at dusk, staring straight up the center of the Eiffel Tower, a long wonderful walk through the pottery district of Kyoto and looking down from the hills into the center of Duluth.

A few other notes from Southern California:

• Had the ultimate Cali experience … waiting in the drive through line at Starbucks in a big SUV. Wee hah.
• I was only at Disneyland for one day (unlike Mrs. CD and CD jr.) which was more than enough for me. Loved seeing three teen boys in black t-shirts for Nirvana and AC-DC and trying to look cool. It is impossible to both be cool and at Disney. Give it up kids.
• By contrast I was also in the Disney neighborhood for the Goth Day @ Disney weekend and the Goths were overwhelmingly friendly and not overly concerned about being cool. Maybe it’s easier to not worry about being hip when you look like a cadaver. (Image courtesy of the most righteous Skellramics.)
• If you ever get a chance visit the Old Town Rootbeer Company in Temecula (they have stores elsewhere but this is the one to go to) where they stock every kind of root beer known to humanity and take friendliness to a whole new level, giving away LOTS of free samples and showering a certain younger member of the CD family with free candy and t-shirts. And they make a killer brew themselves.
• I will never ever complain about traffic in Boston again.