Collateral Damage

You know it’s time to stop playing Dungeons & Dragons because the dice is gone. Click here for full instructions.

“Can I have my critical hit with some whipped cream?”

Side dish: Hexagonal Tortilla Chips.

Technorati Tags: Geek, D20, Pecan, Pie, Dice, D&D, AD&D, Dessert

1. ‘Zombies’ file lawsuit against city How can you not read this story? It includes mug shots!!!
2. Cops Crack Possible Nut-Nabber Syndicate. “Two people were arrested early Monday after about $400,000 worth of stolen almonds was discovered in a Sacramento warehouse, a stash investigators say may be linked to a rash of nut thefts from orchards across California’s Central Valley.”
3. The almost great: Man shoots doe with rack of antlers. C’mon, how could you pass up “Doe with big rack shot”? HOW?

Technorati Tags: zombies, nuts, rack, doe, headlines

As loyal readers and others who suffer from insomnia know, we here at CD HQ have been tracking the George Bush Desert Classic’s lingusitic slide into Civil War for some time.

Quoth me last February:

As usual, the Administration is being aided and abetted in its marketing by many in the media, and I’m not talking Fox TV. Last Sunday, the NYT’s Week In Review section lead with an article entitled “What A Civil War Could Look Like” which actually addressed everything but that. The article categorically refused to define “What a civil war does look like.” Instead it fell back on some of the most hair-splitting linguistic efforts to not call an Antietam an Antietam since Bill Clinton’s famous “is.”

And then in July I polled the press:

• USATODAY: As violence mounts, so does evidence of civil war in Iraq
• The Christian Science Monitor: A widening sectarian rift pushes Iraq to the brink of civil war
• NPR: Abizaid Warns That Iraq Could Face Civil War
• MSNBC: PM: Iraq not facing civil war
• Fox News: We Won! We Won!

So now we have NBC declaring it a civil war which indicates Main Stream Media are coming around to using this as the bumper sticker du jure for whatever the hell it is that’s going on over there. Still don’t know how to tell when a war is civil and/or different from an insurgency or a rebellion.

Anyone?

Bueller?

Technorati Tags: Iraq, Civil, War, George, Bush, Desert, Classic, Bull, Run, Bueller

A homeowners association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan.

And the Mercedes folks have issues about it, too.

SATAN?

Technorati Tags: Satan, Christmas, Wreaths, Outlaw, Mercedes, Peace

Calgary, Alberta, has new regulations banning public fighting, spitting, defecation and urination, loitering or putting your feet up on public benches.

Good to see someone’s protecting our benches.

Technorati Tags: calgary, alberta, canada, regulations, fighting, spitting, defecation, urination, loitering, benches

Everyone everywhere else in the US knows that Romney won’t even carry the state he’s governor of, right?

Technorati Tags: Fox, Fox_News, Romney, GOP

They weren’t all great, but they were all interesting. There were some stinkers — The Long Goodbye, some over-rated crap — Nashville, some under-rated masterpieces — Popeye, and not a single “he did it for the money.”

Technorati Tags: Altman

Forget the Golden Calf, how about a Golden Mao?

A 7-metre-high (23-foot) statue of Mao which has stood in Changsha in his home province of Hunan since the height of the Cultural Revolution in 1967 is being renovated by being covered in 24-carat gold plate.

OK, so we have a vaguely Communist but mostly fascist government wandering towards something resembling capitalism at its ugliest. To honor the former leader/mass murdered of said government on the 30th anniversary of his death, his hometown covers a statue of him (erected during one of his greatest killing sprees) in gold, thus making him into a faux Buddha — a belief system said leader/mass murdered tried to repress.

To paraphrase Mao’s fellow Communist mass murder Joseph Stalin, “One death is a tragedy. A million is a statistic. Erecting a gold statue of someone who killed tens of millions … Priceless.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Penguins of Irony have a new icon.

Technorati Tags: Gold, Mao, Communist, Statue, Irony, Penguins-of-Irony, China, Fascist

Bureaucrats in the UK apparently know something the rest of us don’t. They have decreed that Welsh Dragon brand sausages must be renamed Welsh Dragon Pork Sausages so consumers won’t think they contain meat from an animal previously believed to be fictitious.*

The warning letter from Powys council’s trading standards department, who analysed the sausages, read: “The public analyst has stated that the name Welsh Dragon Sausage is not sufficiently precise to inform a purchaser of the true nature of the food.”

WAIT! Does this mean all those Dungeons & Dragons books actually contain … ?

*If not fictitious, then really really really shy.

Technorati Tags: Wales, Welsh, Dragon, Sausage, Dungeons&Dragons, D&D, Brands

Penguins of Irony finally out of the closet?

SHILOH, Ill. - A picture book about two male penguins raising a baby penguin is getting a chilly reception among some parents who worry about the book’s availability to children — and the reluctance of school administrators to restrict access to it.

Technorati Tags: Gay, Penguins

Nixon to China this ain’t.

Bush compares U.S. wars in Vietnam, Iraq. “Well, they were still shooting at each other when I got to Iraq, that’s one difference.”

Technorati Tags: Vietnam, China, Bush, Iraq, Irony, Penguins

And I thought naming them Espn was bad. Well it is, but you get my point. Joining young Ad and Ree on the playgrounds of the UK will be an increasing number of Gandalfs, Superman(s?) and Madonnas. What no Swooshes?

Technorati Tags: Adidas, Reebok, Nike, Gandalf, Superman, Swoosh, Branding, ESPN

PUTNAM, Conn. - Two armed thugs tried to rob a line of people waiting for the new Playstation 3 game system to go on sale early Friday and shot a man who refused to give up his money, authorities said. … In Kentucky, four people were hit by BBs in an apparent drive-by shooting as they waited for a Best Buy store to open.

And here in Boston:

Nearly a dozen police cruisers responded to Copley Place Mall this morning when a crowd of 400 people clamoring for the new Sony PlayStation 3 overwhelmed mall security.

Isn’t “mall security” an oxymoron? Or is it just staffed by them?

Technorati Tags: Playstation, Madness, Brand, Loyalty, Violence, Games

A Filipino man who flew home from Cambodia said he was carrying live fish in his carryon luggage, until a check of the bag at Manila airport revealed three 1.5-foot long crocodiles, officials said Wednesday.

Technorati Tags: Crocodile, Handbag, Bad, Idea

I know what I’m giving out next Halloween … because they’re never too young to go all in, that’s why. Gummi dice also available for all your favorite young crap shooters. And while we’re on the topic of inappropriate for kids: How about beer-flavored sunflower seeds? This can be washed down with a Rehab Recovery Supplement Energy Drink (soon to be co-branded by either Hasbro or the Betty Ford Clinic, I’m sure). Oh hell just go read CandyAddict & Junk Food Blog yourself, will you?
Technorati Tags: Candy, Gummi, Poker, Chips, Dice, Gambling, Beer, Sunflower, Seeds, Rehab, Junk, Food, Kids,