Collateral Damage

With all the bad news about contaminated pet food, there’s actually some good news in the pet industry! Not only is going environmentally green a hot topic in real estate right now, but the 38-BILLION DOLLAR pet industry is also seeing a surge in companies going green too.

I LOVE THIS TRANSITION!!!: “Not only is going environmentally green a hot topic in real estate right now…” Has nothing to do with anything else in the release.

And it gets better…

We have some amazing companies we’d love for you to consider interviewing for a story on the trendsetting topic

Kathy Santos Training Aids
Martha Stewart and House Beautiful Magazine’s top pet expert, Kathy Santos, has just created the solution for stressed dogs everywhere. Santos has just released line of natural, organic, and environmentally safe products which prevent behavioral problems. Relieve De Stress helps pets deal with anxiety related (but not limited) to: traveling, separation, thunderstorms, grooming, vet visits, moving & owner’s mood swings. And, Don’t Chew Dare: “helps your dog help himself” with destructive chewing! A few drops in water, by mouth or in food, will ensure that your dog has a “drama free day”.

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness … or was it animal stress? And what’s the environmental angle on this again?

Poop Pouch
It helps protect the environment and your nose! NEVER CARRY DOG POOP AGAIN! The POOP POUCH for the POOCH attaches directly onto your dog’s standard or retractable leash, and carries the dog poop for you! No more smell, mess or unsightliness with the POOP POUCH!

Yea, at my house we call it a plastic bag.

Eve Envy
Eye Envy safely removes unsightly tear stains from pets. Stains are removed (typically within one week). Product contains NO bleach, peroxide or steroids.

Removes unsightly tear stains from pets? Removes unsightly tear stains from pets? This is a real problem to someone?

GET SERiOUS!
Re-soiling has become the #1 reason pets are placed in shelters today and GET SERiOUS! Stain, Odor & Pheromone Extractor is the ONLY cleaner with the ability to lift out and forever remove the pheromone scent plus the associated stain and odor, so pets aren’t attracted back to the scene of the crime! Cleans in 3 minutes! It’s safe, non-toxic and biodegradable! www.getseriousproducts.com

Anyone know what re-soiling is?

Special thanks to the great folks at Orca Communications. Keep up the good work gang!

Randall Tobias, head of the U.S. Agency for International Development, [resigned Friday] after ABC News asked him about his use of a so-called escort service known as Pamela Martin & Associates. … Among other duties, Tobias also was responsible for implementing U.S. policy that required grant recipients to take steps against prostitution and sex trafficking and supporting efforts to fight the spread of AIDS.

First Wolfowitz — who is supposed to be fighting corruption — gets into trouble when his girlfriend who works for him over at the World Bank, gets promoted. Now this. And to think I used to question Bill Clinton’s ethics.

Mabel Washburn pulled into her driveway in upstate New York only to be attacked by the enraged bovine. Maybe it, too, prefers Toyota.

Erin Schrode, a 16-year-old sophomore at Marin Academy, was decked out in prom gear and boots when she jumped into pursuit of three youths who swiped a friend’s purse and a laptop computer at an afternoon protest rally.

Where was she when I was looking for a prom date? (OK, so when I was looking for a prom date, she wasn’t even born and the woman who would become her mother would have been one of the many trying to come up with a gentle way to say, “You’ve got to be kidding.”)

BTW, there is an actual marketing angle to all this:

The rally - part product launch, part political campaign, part health education - capped months of appearances by Teens for Safe Cosmetics at Bay Area stores, farmers markets and high schools to alert consumers to carcinogenic ingredients in beauty products.

Go here for more info.

File under: Your mother wears combat boots and she makes them look gooooood.

Link via The Obscure Store.

The survey of six nations, carried out for the International Herald Tribune daily and France 24 TV station, said 44 percent of French people thought badly of themselves against 38 percent of U.S. respondents who had a negative view of the French.

Pass the brie. I’d move there in a minute.

Two posts from over at TheWatchamacallit:

1. Go Jesus: You really have to read it to appreciate it and watch the accompanying video. I am so going to hell.
2. Nick Stinks: “Hey everyone, I just tried out  Nick.com’s tomogotchi wannabe site. It really stinks. You cant actually compose mail to go to your friends, It doesn’t actually give you privileges, and I can’t quite figure out any use for it. If you were thinking of signing up, don’t, unless you want them to controll everything you do there.”

Nickelodoeon, you have an unhappy customer.

Writing in the prestigious British science journal Nature, an elite scientific duo say they have devised an equation to describe beer froth. The breakthrough will not only settle the vexatious lager vs. stout debate, it will also help the quest to pour a perfect pint every time.

This easily equals last year’s winner in the physics category for research into why, when you bend dry spaghetti, it often breaks into more than two pieces.

I hope this year’s awards will include a special PT Barnum citation for Eli Lilly which just got FDA approval for Reconcile, a drug that treats separation anxiety in dogs.

Over at The16thMinute I bloviate about an ugly trend that seems to be forming in the book publishing world.

Now we have “An Introduction to Planetary Defense: A Study of Modern Warfare Applied to Extra-Terrestrial Invasion.” It has a number of authors all of whom are, it seems, experts in a variety of real defense-related issues. Description: “This book describes a serious look at defending the planet in the event of an extra-terrestrial invasion.”

STOP.

I admit I am guilty of the classic sin of offering an opinion on a book I haven’t read, but I have to. I don’t want to see “When Vampires Attack: A Handbook,” “How To Pour Salt On A Giant Radioactive Sea Slug,” or “The Hunter’s Guide To Killing and Preparing Dinosaurs.”

Actually that radioactive sea-slug book is looking more appealing by the minute. Excuse me while I write up a book proposal.

AND … another one over at the other blog: Global warming grows cold.

Global Warming: The Event has just jumped the sharks that global warming — the reality — is killing off.

I am definitely changing my party affiliation.

Someone must thinks so.

Cases in point:

1. “Is your dog in heat and humping anything it can wrap its horny little legs around? Are you constantly having to pry your promiscuous pooch off the legs of guests, parents and members of your church? Protect your leg from a hump attack by getting Scruffy a Hotdoll.” Yes, there’s a picture of the thankfully-still-theoretical product.
2. Worried about all that tainted pet food out there? How’s about being your dog’s food tester? Yes, thanks to celebrity oddity Dick van Patten (nice hat) you can open one can for both of you. His new Eatables line of pet foods comes in Irish Stew, Chinese Take-out with Sauce, Hobo Chili, Southern Style Dumplin’s with Gravy. Coming soon: Spaghetti with Beef in Meat Sauce. And if you don’t like it, you can give it to a poor person! (FYI, I love dogs. When we got our last dog, Bear, I was so happy I cried. BUT PLEASE do not treat your pets better than your fellow human. And don’t treat your fellow humans as badly as many people treat animals.)

A post on why the fall of Don Imus could mean trouble for Stephan Colbert over at my Brandweek blog, The 16th Minute.

Yeah, like there’s a chance in hell you’re not going to read the rest of that story.

The lead, however, is even better:

EVERETT, Wash. A Seattle man has been charged with a slew of crimes that involved an alleged shoplifting, assaults and a pet duck named Mr. Peepers.

I think Mr. Peepers is a canard or at least a red herring.

The terror alert level has been set at duck l’orange.

Man, this is a story that doesn’t quit.

I really oughta start a blog that’s nothing but weird animal stories…

Wrote a column about this for Brandweek.

If you can find a copy of the print magazine, check out the head shot. I look like a bad CGI.

While Procter & Gamble dropping his show was more costly, in many ways the worst news for I-man was when Miralus Healthcare, a.k.a. “Head-On,” pulled its ads. Once they left, pretty much the only sponsors remaining were bail-bond shops and “Smiling Bob.” I mean, the only thing worse than that would be getting canned by MSNBC. Oh, wait a minute.

Were they hungry rabbits in Hungary?

“This isn’t Pismo Beach! I knew I shouldn’t have taken that left at Albuquerque.”

“Wot, behind the rabbit?”

Two people were stabbed and two arrested in scuffles at a Cyprus convent in a power struggle between rival factions. Witnesses said priests and nuns were involved in the night-time fracas at the Metamorphosis tou Sotiros convent, south east of the Cypriot capital Nicosia.

I will never again complain about the nun’s at St. Patrick’s Word of God Jr. High.

Interesting note: “The convent follows the old Julian calendar and is not considered part of the official Orthodox Church of Cyprus.” Yes, they consider the Cypriot Orthodox to be liberal wimps. And they’re always 12 days late for an appointment.