Science proves what country music already knew: Booze makes you sad

Researchers at the University of Tokyo concluded that ethanol — an intoxicating agent in alcohol — does not cause memory to decrease, as widely believed, but instead locks it in place. The researchers, led by pharmacology professor Norio Matsuki, gave mild shocks to lab rats to condition them to fear. As a result, the rats would freeze in terror and curl up the moment they were put in their cages.

I hope the research paper cites “Haggard, Merle: Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down“

Headline of the Day: “He handily beat Clinton even in traditionally Democratic areas”

Subhead in today’s Honolulu Advertiser on a story about Obama winning the Hawaii caucuses.

A Democrat won in traditionally Democratic areas!?!?!? Wow. Strange times indeed.

BTW, here’s a definition of mixed blessing — having the flu in Hawaii. I tell people on the phone and they start to come across with some sympathy and then it’s  … “wait a minute … he’s in HAWAII!”

Well, I’ve had the flu a lot of places and Maui is pretty much the best place for it.

Taking a break…

I am fleeing the cold weather and the blogosphere for a week, so you’ll have to get your snarky commentary elsewhere for a while.

A few thoughts for the road:

1. Is Hillary copying the Giuliani playbook? Hil’s attitude of we’ll win one of these days seems very reminiscent of Rudy’s.
2. Greenspan says we’re on the edge of a recession. Sorry Alan but we passed that a while ago. An attitude only a rich man could have.
3. Condi & Zinni for Veeps? Collateral Damage Sr. says McCain will opt for the best piano player on either side while Obama picks the General to strengthen his flank. Both picks make sense which is why I doubt they will come to pass.
4. Anybody can have a bad century: Pitchers and catchers reported to spring training meaning this is officially the centennial season of Cub ineptitude. (CD Sr. also said the Cubs have a chance this year. Whaddya expect from a Senators fan?)

Image via TheRevC.com

US interrogators say Starbucks is better than torture

From a Washington Post story:

The Bush administration announced yesterday that it intends to bring capital murder charges against half a dozen men allegedly linked to the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, based partly on information the men disclosed to FBI and military questioners without the use of coercive interrogation tactics.

The admissions made by the men — who were given food whenever they were hungry as well as Starbucks coffee at the U.S. prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba — played a key role in the government’s decision to proceed with the prosecutions, military and law enforcement officials said.

“So which will it be: waterboarding or a venti latte with extra cinnamon on top?”

I want someone to use this in an ad campaign!!!!

Bad choice of words: NYC says condom ads are “cutting edge”

Staying safe in New York City just got even sexier. The Health Department today unveiled a brand new look for the NYC Condom and launched a cutting-edge media campaign to encourage New Yorkers to “get some.” … The NYC Condom’s new look includes a fresh package design and an elegant new dispenser, which will debut in 200 New York City venues in the coming weeks.

I think they should have used “hard-hitting” and “sweet-spot” to describe the campaign. BTW, the city is also offering NYC-branded lube and female condoms.

Spielberg declines to help the Munich, er, Beijing Olympics

I am glad to hear that Steven Spielberg will not be playing the role of Leni Riefenstahl for this summer’s Olympics. How odd though that he “withdrew on Tuesday as an artistic adviser to the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing over China’s policy on the conflict in Sudan’s Darfur region. Why worry about China’s foreign policy, given its great record on domestic repression?

Still, Spielberg is showing considerably more backbone than the UK. The British Olympic Committee voluntarily threatened to pull any of its athletes who had the temerity to speak out on “politically sensitive issues” while in China.

The controversy erupted in Britain after the Mail on Sunday newspaper reported that the BOA had threatened that any athlete who refused to sign the gag order would not be allowed to travel to China. Any British participant who signed the order and then spoke out during the Games would be sent home, according to the initial plan.

What makes this even more horrible is that it is quite clear that this ban did not come at the behest of Beijing.

According to a number of national Olympic committees in Asia contacted by AFP, China has put no pressure on countries to silence their Olympians and Sun insisted Beijing wanted to welcome all competitors.

Huzzah for the Brits and their pre-emptive strike against human rights!

Which is not to say that China doesn’t approve of the idea after the fact. The Chinese Olympic committee said, not surprisingly, that they thought this was a fine idea. Unsaid was the fact that they weren’t stupid enough to actually suggest it.

Fortunately the British Olympic Association is showing no more spine in the face of criticism of this issue than it did in issuing the ban in the first place. They are apparently caving faster than a watercress sandwich dipped in very hot tea.

Coverage of the games is going to be fascinating to watch. Sports journalists are generally not the hardest hitting reporters and I suspect their employers won’t have much interest in covering what is actually happening in the world’s largest economy.

It would be nice to think that marketers have any concern about ill-will coming from supporting the games this year. It would be nice and it would be wrong. There will be no ill-will because consumers won’t care. Certainly here in the US these will just be another Olympics in an exotic locale. There will be no news to rival Hitler declining to shake Jesse Owens’ hand. Instead their will be pomp and circumstance and more of our collective denial. Thanks to Mr. Spielberg’s decision, though, Beijing will have to look elsewhere for an overly sentimental ending.

Stores nailed for selling Jesus-branded cosmetics

Complaints from irate Catholics (is that a new denomination?) have forced a chain of stores in Singapore to pull all of the “Lookin’ Good For Jesus” line of cosmetics.

Nick Chui, 27, a Catholic, spotted the items in a Topshop outlet and then wrote a letter to [its owners] saying that the products trivialised Jesus Christ and Christianity. “There are also sexual innuendoes in the messages and the way Jesus is portrayed in these products,” the Singapore Straits Times quoted Chui as saying.

The cosmetics and toiletries are made by the Massachusetts company Blue Q. The company is actually pretty catholic in its brands, which include “Wash Away Your Sins,” and “Cute as Hell.” They also make “Believe In God” & “Convert to Judaism” breath sprays and “Jesus Saves” & “Jesus Rocks” car air fresheners.

We know He can turn water into wine, but can He turn controversy into sales.

I’m always conflicted when it comes to the topic of religious humor. I know a bunch of Jesus jokes (that’s bad, right?) and I learned most of them from a priest (which makes them good, right?). For reasons I am still unclear on, a lot of them involve JC playing golf.

Not all, however.

Jesus walks into a hotel, places three nails on the counter and says, “Can you put me up for the night?”

That’s bad.

I hate it when they’re funnier than I am, Part 2: Social Terror Networking

Damn you, BOROWITZ!!!

After successfully sponsoring several of the presidential debates, Facebook is spreading its wings once more, announcing today that it would become the official co-sponsor of the United States’ war on terror.

In snagging the coveted anti-terrorism sponsorship, the popular networking site beat out two of its rivals, MySpace and YouTube, who had also vied to co-sponsor the global struggle against Islamic extremism.

As if that wasn’t enough to piss me off, he’s also written:

Obama Wins Country Music Entertainer of the Year … Coming off a weekend in which he racked up victories in Nebraska, Washington, Louisiana, the Virgin Islands and Maine, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) extended his amazing winning streak today by being named the Country Music Association’s Entertainer of the Year. For Mr. Obama, who is not a country music entertainer, the award represents a significant upset since it had been expected to go to longtime country favorite Kenny Chesney.

Oh, hell … stop reading me and go read him. I surrender. This blog will now be devoted to knitting and those few other topics I know even less about than politics, marketing & humor.

I hate it when they’re funnier than I am, Part 1

From QuestionTheDogma

NOW ALL WE NEED ARE SOME RAINING CATS.

“A 65-pound Labrador retriever, without benefit of an airplane or parachute, flew from the top of an airport parking deck six stories down – and survived.”

Speaking of Dogma …. Westminster Kennel Show is on tonight. My money is on the Bulldog (either French or English), Mrs. CollateralDamage says the dachsund is a mortal lock. Given that this is based on our favorite breeds, these predictions are definitely better than my Pats over the Giants prediction.

BTW, Go here to see Reebok’s never-will-air ad celebrating the 19-0 Pats.

Newspaper museum set to open — is “newspaper museum” redundant?

OK, it was a cheap shot. But it was a funny cheap shot! Actually the Newseum focuses on the entire news industry: The $450 million Newseum, in Washington DC, has seven levels with 250,000 square feet of exhibition space, including 15 theaters, 14 galleries, two broadcast studios, 100 original videos and more than 130 interactive stations.

Maybe it wasn’t such a cheap shot given the news that the McClatchy chain may write off half of the $4.4 billion it paid for Knight Ridder a year-and-a-half ago. At the rate things are going the Newseum may want to consider hiring a few paleontologists.

You know you have too much money when … you spend $100 for a bottle of water

Fillico Beverly Hills is a new brand of bottled water being sold in Japan for $100 a pop … and that’s the economy class. If you get one of the “frosted glass bottles … decorated with Swarovski crystals and etched with gold paint” with a gold or silver cap, the price doubles. Fortunately the water comes from Kobe and not its namesake area.

Ryanair makes gold from garbage, uses Naples trash disaster in ads

Above a photograph of piles of rubbish sacks — an image which has come to symbolise Naples in recent months where the waste disposal system has ground to a halt — the advert reads: “Pay the taxes! Not for waste (disposal) but to escape.” Playing on public outrage at the waste emergency and the fact that locals continue to pay a refuse tax even when their streets are shoulder-high in rotting garbage, the airline offers 250,000 free flights where the customer only pays airport taxes.

Surprisingly the Naples tourist authorities aren’t too happy about this.

“The only rubbish to be escaped from is Ryanair’s advertising,” said Marco di Lello, head of tourism at the regional government of Campania of which Naples is the capital.

The hook, the bait, the fish. I hope Ryanair’s PR people are sending Marco a thank you note.

They seem to have a lot of fun with advertising at Ryanair.

Earlier this year the discount flier ran an ad with a picture of French Prez Sarkozy and trophy wife Carla Bruni. A bubble above a photograph of the couple read: “With Ryanair, my whole family can come to my wedding.”

Actually the 60K Euro fine that a court ordered Ryanair to pay Bruni probably more than paid for any wedding festivities. (At current exchange rates 1 euro = roughly 1 trillion zillion dollars.)

The self-shaking salt shaker & other gadgets no one needs

Pull the string on the shaker and it vibrates so the salt or pepper comes out. Because wiggling your fingers is too hard, that’s why. Yeah, but I still have to pick it up in the first place! No word on internet connectivity or whether or not there is a social networking site for this.

However that is not the case with this next item: Feed your pet via the internet! For a mere $300, you can keep an eye on your pets when you’re not home “with the power of Ergo Pet Feeders and INSTEON home control technology. Our pet feeding & viewing kit allows you to both feed your pets & view them from a computer anywhere in the world. You can also automatically have images of your pets at feeding time emailed to you on at scheduled times.“Personally, I would rather they come up a device that lets me handle the pet’s output by remote — the input I don’t mind.

Scientists have finally created a product that will solve a problem which has vexed humanity for millennia! It’s an onion that won’t make you cry when you slice it. “Scientists in New Zealand and Japan have created a ‘tear-free’ onion using biotechnology to switch off the gene behind the enzyme that makes us cry.” Its so nice to know that scientists are resting on their laurels now that they’ve ended cancer, hunger and the energy crisis.

When serving food to fat people is outlawed, only outlaws will be fat UPDATED

Mississippi legislators are considering a bill that would make it illegal for restaurants to serve food to fat people. Any restaurant found guilty of giving food to someone defined by the state department of health as obese risks losing its license.

No word on whether their will be exemptions if you are “big boned” or have “a thyroid condition.”

I want the state to issue Body Mass Index calipers for waiters to use before taking someone’s order. I also want a bill that bans idiots from proposing laws.

UPDATE: Turns out that this bill would cause fiscal chaos in M eye double S eye double S eye double P eye.

Preventing obesity and smoking can save lives, but it doesn’t save money, researchers reported Monday. It costs more to care for healthy people who live years longer, according to a Dutch study that counters the common perception that preventing obesity would save governments millions of dollars.

One wonders why the state is not already awash in saved dollars.

Co-branding nightmare: Barbie Rice Krispies Treats

What part of the phrase “childhood obesity problem” don’t you understand? I guess the underlying message is “eat these and you won’t worry so much about the fact that you don’t look like Barbie.” Gotta say that the pink marshmallow goo looks evil to me.