Collateral Damage

I hate it when people beat me at my own game but I have to give them props when they do. Got this from my buddy Chris Howard, who writes SF (he just got a novel accepted for publication!!) and the very good blog Theophrastus:

I’m hoping you can explain Glad’s use of the phrase “For the protection you need to get things done” on a box of 13-gallon kitchen trash bags, and then there’s the prompt to check out the Glad.com Website for “recipes” and other info.

Two things struck me odd this morning as I was taking out the trash and then putting a new bag in the can. First, I don’t think I have ever thought about “protection” while taking out the trash, and only occasionally when I’m getting “things done.”

Second, recipes aren’t high on the list at that time either–especially with the box clearly marked, “NOT RECOMMENDED FOR FOOD STORAGE” in English and Spanish.

This is a result of a problem facing all marketers: We think customers spend as much time thinking about our products as we do. I wrote a story about Glad and the success it has had for Brandweek. One of the people I interviewed there said something to the effect of “If the consumer spends more than a few seconds thinking about trash bags then it’s because it’s broken and you’ve screwed up.” Words to live by.

Kudos to my former employer for getting this one:

J&J, one of the largest drug makers in the world has sued the Red Cross over its use of one of the most famous symbols in the world - the red cross.

I don’t see ANY upside to Johnson & Johnson for this one. Even if they win the court case, they lose.

Over at The16thMinute I bloviate about an ugly trend that seems to be forming in the book publishing world.

Now we have “An Introduction to Planetary Defense: A Study of Modern Warfare Applied to Extra-Terrestrial Invasion.” It has a number of authors all of whom are, it seems, experts in a variety of real defense-related issues. Description: “This book describes a serious look at defending the planet in the event of an extra-terrestrial invasion.”

STOP.

I admit I am guilty of the classic sin of offering an opinion on a book I haven’t read, but I have to. I don’t want to see “When Vampires Attack: A Handbook,” “How To Pour Salt On A Giant Radioactive Sea Slug,” or “The Hunter’s Guide To Killing and Preparing Dinosaurs.”

Actually that radioactive sea-slug book is looking more appealing by the minute. Excuse me while I write up a book proposal.

AND … another one over at the other blog: Global warming grows cold.

Global Warming: The Event has just jumped the sharks that global warming — the reality — is killing off.

A post on why the fall of Don Imus could mean trouble for Stephan Colbert over at my Brandweek blog, The 16th Minute.

Wrote a column about this for Brandweek.

If you can find a copy of the print magazine, check out the head shot. I look like a bad CGI.

While Procter & Gamble dropping his show was more costly, in many ways the worst news for I-man was when Miralus Healthcare, a.k.a. “Head-On,” pulled its ads. Once they left, pretty much the only sponsors remaining were bail-bond shops and “Smiling Bob.” I mean, the only thing worse than that would be getting canned by MSNBC. Oh, wait a minute.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a story for Brandweek about Kimberly-Clark, the company that makes Kleenex and a bunch of other brands. I got a nice little scoop on how they were hiring three top people in their marketing department. Not exactly Pulitzer but I was proud of it. In this week’s issue AdAge a similar story is there lead on the front page. Nothing wrong with that. Someone breaks a story and others follow up, hopefully adding more to it. And they do add to it. Including some important info which I didn’t have: K-C will be ramping up marketing spending $200 million by 2009 and readying a massive shift to nontraditional media. Good on them. Good solid facts and a good solid article.

But here’s a little complaint: In the print version there’s this tagline on the subhead that says EXCLUSIVE. So what’s exclusive? That they got different information than I did? By that standard everything in the magazine should get an exclusive tag. Let’s not oversell the goods here gang.

That $19.25M they were supposed to get? Turns out that:

1. The jurors guesstimated the amount based on what they think the lawyers charged.
2. The judge — not the jury — gets to decide what, if any, lawyer fees can be awarded.
3. The original judge thought it would be a cold day in … well you know … before P&G collected even if they proved the case.

The Satan Desk at Brandweek has the full details here.

First, the one that won me the coveted Satan beat: Companies Have Devil Of A Time Denying Rumors

Next is this week’s installment of The 16th Minute: Pet food recall catches brands with their product down.

Then there’s the full-length story on the problems with marketers and Second Life: Are marketers dying on Second Life?

According to me (in my other blog –The 16th Minute):

The German marketing research agency Komjuniti surveyed 200 Second Life users and found: 

• 72% of respondents expressed themselves as being disappointed with the activities of the companies in Second Life. 
• Over a third of them were unaware of the branded presence.
• 42% said they thought it constituted nothing more than a short-term trend, lacking durable commitment from the companies.
• 7% consider that it has a positive influence on brand image and their future buying behaviour.

The buzz is definitely off the bloom.

In case just avoiding this one blog wasn’t troublesome enough, I now have another one. Brandweek’s The 16th Minute tracks when trends, brands, people, etc., have reached the end of Mr. Warhol’s 15 minutes. It is written with all the respect and decency that regular readers have come to expect here at CD. Probably the biggest difference between that blog and this one is that the main page features “teases” and not just the entire blog entry. OK, there’s another difference — on The 16th Minute I don’t get to just make stuff up. Damn libel laws.

From my real job: Method intros new enviro-friendly version of Swiffer.

Got an email asking, “Who do you think should be Pierce Mattie’s Publicist of the Year?” This was actually asking me to vote for someone on the staff of this firm I had never heard of before. Elsewhere, Brandweek has its “Best + Worst” issue out this week and PRDisasters.com is seeking nominees for its annual award. Some places have had the temerity to suggest that Dick Cheney, Michael Richards and Mel Gibson are in danger of sharing the prize. HAH! (And although this is a late addition, you’ve got to at least give a nod to former Wal-Marter Julie Roehm.)

One PR gaffe was so big this year that it should take the Gold, Silver & Bronze and these others just get honorable mentions. This year’s Chicago Cubs of Public Relations: Judith Regan for the OJ Simpson “I Did It” fiasco. From horrible idea to horrible product to horrible spin control no one else even came close. Richards and Gibson at least both admitted after the fact that they were assholes.

Technorati Tags: PRDisaster, PR, Disaster, Annual, Award, Brandweek, Cheney, Gibson, Roehm, WalMart, OJ,

Over at Brandweek: Marvel Turns To Its Friendly Neighborhood Soap Opera for Help

So I was at the ANA’s annual conference last week which is why no posts in a while. This year’s was held in Orlando which made Mrs. Collateral Damage and CD jr. very happy as they piggy backed on to go visit the local Mouse emporium. Sure, I got to interview the CEO and CMO of Procter & Gamble and the CMO of Charles Schwab and the marketing boss for Clorox but more importantly I SHOOK HANDS WITH MIKE ROWE. Mr. R, host of the incredibly great and gross TV show “Dirty Jobs” on Discovery, emcee’d the Marketer of The Year Awards for Brandweek. His timing was dead on and he was funny as ever, except when he had to do a couple of scripted bits, but that wasn’t his fault. It was more than a wee bit odd to have this chronicler of the down-and-very-dirty and real speaking infront of a group of people who who would really like it if their work was mistaken for authentic … but hey that’s what irony is all about isn’t it?

For those of you who care, here is a picture of me at registration for the ANA. All journalists had a barcode tattooed on to them. For what it’s worth the UPC for journalists does start with a 666.

In case you are looking for more amusing business stories then head on over to Short Takes, edited and mostly written by my buddy and Brandweek colleague Rory Thompson. Yours truly also makes the occasional appearance when my work meets Mr. T’s high standards…