Smoking new airline to feature black lungs along with black boxes

The existence of Smoker’s International Airlines begs the question: Does every niche have to be filled?

Alexander Schoppmann, a 55-year-old former stockbroker, has come up with a business plan for Smoker’s International Airways, or Smintair, which he says will offer flights between his home town of Duesseldorf in western Germany and Tokyo. It’s all about service, he said — and that includes helping people avoid long hours confined without a cigarette break during a long-haul flight.

Schoppmann says he will begin service in March but, given that he’s a 30 A DAY smoker, odds are against him being there even if for some reason his airline does get off the ground. A fact that even Schoppmann seems willing to acknowledge:

Asked how certain he is that Smintair will take off as planned in March, Schoppmann said: “How certain is it that I will be alive by then?”

If you had any doubts about his business acumen, a press release by Herr Schoppman mentions the Nazis. It seems to me that the release implies that smokers are suffering a persecution similiar to … well you know who. But, given my last name, I may be overly sensitive on the subject so I’ll let you decide:

Ladies and Gentlemen, dear Guests, before I would like to share my next to 50 years of experience as an airline passenger with you, I’d like to take the opportunity to clear one of the biggest lies floating around everywhere in the World: “Second Hand Smoke (SHS, a.k.a. ETS, Environmental Tobacco Smoke) damages your health”. Please refer to our DOWNLOADS page and be surprised by the overwhelming, neutral evidence. By the way, did you know that the NAZIs also sported a huge Anti-Smoking campaign? Yes, they did and the one we experience now, frightningly, carries exactly the same insignia. Now on to a more pleasant subject than fat lies…

Hmmm, flying from Dusseldorf to Tokyo means flying over Russia who no doubt will embrace the return of the Luftwaffe to their sunny skies.

 

Advertisement

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s