Yet another reason to hate Scarlett Johansson

In the headline of the day, ChubSquad* writes: Scarlett Gargles Razor Blades. Turns out that not only is Ms. J, young, rich, beautiful and talented BUT SHE HAS TASTE TOO! She’s recording an album. Yeah big whup. I mean if Rod Stewart can record an album than anyone can. But what sets Scarlett apart from the pack: It’s an album of Tom Waits songs. Grrrr, MAKE HER STOP. Here’s hoping the record sucks. I don’t know how much more my lack-of-self-esteem can take.

SwordFishTrombone

Well he came home from the war
with a party in his head
and a modified Brougham DeVille
and a pair of legs that opened up
like butterfly wings
and a mad dog that wouldn’t
sit still
he went and took up with a Salvation Army
Band girl
who played dirty water
on a sworfishtrombone
he went to sleep at the bottm of
Tenkiller Lake
and he said ‘gee, but it’s
great to be home’

Well he came home from the war
with a party in his head
and an idea for a fireworks display
and he knew that he’d be ready with
a stainless steel machete
and a half a pint of Ballentine’s
each day
and he holed up in a room above a hardware store
cryin’ nothing there but Hollywood tears
and he put a spell on some
poor little Crutchfield girl
and stayed like that for 27 years

Well he packed up all his
expectations he lit out from California
with a flyswatter banjo on his knee
with a lucky tiger in his angel hair
and benzedrine for getting there
they found him in a eucalyptus tree
lietenant got him a canary bird
and skanked her head with every word
and Chesterfielded moonbeams in a song
and he got 20 years for lovin’ her
from some Oklahome governor
said everything this Doughboy
does is wrong

Now some say he’s doing
the obituary mambo
and some say he’s hanging on the wall
perhaps this yarn’s the only thing
that holds this man together
some say he was never here at all

Some say the saw him down in
Birmingham, sleeping in a
boxcar going by
and if you thing that you can tell a biger tale
I swear to God you’ll have to tell a lie…

*Motto: “Its eleventy-year mission – to seek out new bookstores and new buffets, to boldly grow where no man has grown before”

Technorati Tags: Scarlett, Johansson,, Tom, Waits, Collateral, Damage,, Swordfishtrombone, Rod, Stewart, Chubsquad

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