Thanks to the Boston Globe, we now know that the following towns will lower the following items at and/or around Midnight Sunday:
- Eastport, ME: A sardine at 12 PM EST and a maple leaf at 12 PM AST, for its Canadian neighbors. I think they should split the difference and lower a sardine soaked in maple syrup at 11:30 PM EST.
- Lebanon, PA: A 10-foot long, 150 lb. bologna. What is it they’re compensating for?
- Atlanta: 800 lb. fibreglass peach. Zzzzzz.
- Brassville, NC: A live possum. People for the Ethical Treatment of Pogo plan to protest.
- Key West, FL: A conch shell, a live pirate wench, and a drag queen named Sushi in a huge red high-heeled show. Mrs. Collateral D. disappointedly noted that these were three separate lowerings. Why they couldn’t make a shoe big enough for all three is beyond us.
- Tempe, AZ: Tortilla chip into a jar of salsa. And none of that damn New York salsa, either.
- Havre de Grace, MD: Wood duck with feathers represented by colored Christmas lights. Extra points for originality.
- Shippensburg, PA: An anchor.
- Port Clinton, OH: A walleye fish.
- Miami: An orange.
- Washington, D.C.: Expectations.
- Detroit: The crime rate.
Oooops, my bad. The last two are fictitious.
And, as I have mentioned brother Pogo already, let us end the year with one of his sublime quotes: “Sometimes I don’t always follow you and sometimes I’m not that lucky.”
Collateral Damage 