When (fill in the blank) is outlawed, only outlaws will (fill in the blank)
- Playing board games: In South Carolina, it is illegal to pass Go or collect $200 – even if it is just Monopoly money. The same state law that has forced a local radio station to cancel its charity poker tournament scheduled for next week also makes it illegal for anyone in South Carolina to play a game – any game – that uses cards or dice.
- Having plastic genitalia on your car: Maryland Delegate LeRoy E. Myers Jr. has introduced a bill that would make it illegal to dangle outsized plastic testicles from the trailer hitches of pickup trucks. (FYI: The bill never made it out of committee.)
- Wearing tigger socks: Toni Kay Scott, a student at Napa Valley’s Redwood Middle School, was sent to an in-school suspension program (with the wonderfully Orwellian-name of Students With Attitude Problems). Her crime? Violating a dress code by wearing socks with Tigger on them, along with a denim skirt and a brown shirt with a pink border. A lawsuit ensued forcing the school district to pay $95K and drop any requirement for students to wear only solid-color clothing.
- Possesing cat urine: 38-year-old Cynthia Hunter of Florida was jailed for 50 days when police found a vial containing a yellow substance in her purse. She said it was cat urine for her son’s science experiment, but she was locked up for 50 days until the lab results confirmed that the substance was indeed cat urine.
- Swearing at your toilet: Dawn Herb of West Scranton, PA, faced a disorderly conduct charge after she started swearing at her backed-up toilet near an open window. The charge was later dismissed.
- Hugging: OAK PARK, IL — Percy Julian Middle School Principal Victoria Sharts banned hugging among the suburban Chicago school’s 860 students anywhere inside the building. She said students were forming “hug lines” that made them late for classes and crowded the hallways.
- Wearing Crocs: The wildly popular Crocs — the funky, clog-like resin shoe derided by the fashion conscious — have been deemed unsafe by administrators at Pittsburgh’s Mercy Hospital. BTW, Collateral Damage was the first — and only– place to predict that the “Crocs will kill you meme” would be picked up nationally by the press.
- Wearing baggy pants: Baggy pants that show boxer shorts or thongs would be illegal under a proposed amendment to ’s indecency laws.
- Drawing pictures of guns in school: An East Valley (Arizona) eighth-grader was suspended this week after he turned in homework with a sketch that school officials said resembled a gun and posed a threat to his classmates.
- Making faces at dogs: Jayna Hutchinson, 33, of Lebanon, N.H., was charged with cruelty to a police animal and resisting arrest after a July 31 incident in West Fairlee, VT. The arresting officer said that Hutchinson then approached his cruiser, where his dog Max was waiting … Putting her face within inches of the window and “staring at him in a taunting/harassing manner,” Protzman wrote in an affidavit. “While the defendant taunted my canine, Max was focused on the defendant and the perceived threat she presented to him,” the affidavit said. “He was no longer focused on me and the other officers at the scene.”
- Cheering at graduation: Indianapolis School Superintendent Eugene White sent letters to putative graduates informing them of a policy forbidding cheering during the reading of the graduates’ names. “The goal is to restore decorum to the ceremonies and make certain that every name can be heard. White’s letter reminds students that attending a graduation ceremony is a privilege, not a right.” Thirty school police officers were to be on hand to enforce the rules.
- Protecting dog barking with the first amendment: The North Dakota Supreme Court has rejected a claim that an anti-barking ordinance is unconstitutional.