A Personal Indexing Of Harper’s Magazine

Number of reader reply cards in the October issue of Harper’s Magazine: 8

Number returned: 0

Distance, in inches, magazine is held from eyes (without glasses): 18.75

Authors of letters to the editor whose name was recognized: 1

Letters to the editor read: 0

Paragraphs of Lewis Lapham’s essay read to feelings of intellectual insufficiency felt over not reading more: .5:1

Facts, in Harper’s Index, that surprised: 7

That agreed with previously held opinions: 9

That seemed ironic: 6

That seem to have been stretched unreasonably to provide a statistic: 2

Time spent wondering why note by Louis Armstrong raving about laxative was printed: A lot.

Time spent wondering where “Readings” come from: Some, but not nearly as much.

Number of full page ads from fuel/electric companies trying to portray themselves as environmentally sensitive: 3

Other ads from fuel and electric companies: 0

Full page ads from cigarette and alcohol producing companies 5

From “socially conscious” investment funds: 2

Time, in minutes, after picking up mail that magazine was left in bathroom: 10

Number of times it was looked at after that (estimated): 30

Time, in days, after magazine’s arrival before attempting to read apple farming article printed on odd paper stock: 5

Number of pages of odd paper stock essay was printed on: 16

Answers to question of why an odd stock of paper was used: 0

Number of books advertised that look interesting: 4

Number that would be read if given a copy: 0

Envy, in stomach pains, felt over not having produced a book: 7

Interest in essay on reconsidering constitutional right to bear arms before reading it: High

Ratio of read to unread pages of essay on reconsidering constitutional right to bear arms: 4:8

Rank, in usefulness, of “Annotations” and crossword-like puzzle: 1, 2000

Speed, in miles per hour, at which pages were turned past “Archive” essay by E. B. White: 25

Enjoyment of catty review of books on global capitalism: Considerable

Number of times told self to tell wife about revisionist review of Eyes Wide Shut: 5

Number of times wife told: 0

Percentage of classified ads that use the words erotic or erotica: 1/10

Time spent, in minutes, on the World Wide Web, looking for mathematical formula for doing percentages: 30

Chances, in hell, that short story would be read: 0.02

Sources: Self, October 1999 issue of Harper’s Magazine.

4 thoughts on “A Personal Indexing Of Harper’s Magazine

  1. yeah I read everything…. Read the whole article on the 2nd Amendment. Good read. Don’t agree with everything.
    Why do you have an entry on a 1999 issue of Harper’s?

  2. I’m being enviro friendly, y’know Reduce Reuse Recycle. I wrote this back then and it got rejected from one place I could think of sending it to but I’ve always liked it.

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