Put down the celery and come out with your hands up: Footie club warns of vegetable threat

In what has to be the oddest security precaution ever, UK soccer team “Chelsea warned their fans on Friday against throwing celery during matches, saying it was a criminal offence and that anyone caught lobbing the popular salad vegetable could be banned.

The quotes only get better, of course.

The UK Football Association said in a release:

“The throwing of anything at a football match, including celery, is a criminal offence for which you can be arrested and end up with a criminal record. In future, if anyone is found attempting to bring celery into Stamford Bridge they could be refused entry and anyone caught throwing celery will face a ban.”

While the incidents of assault with a deadly-yet-nutritious vegetable are recent, celery has been stalking the team for more than 20 years (sorry, I couldn’t resist). That’s how long fans have been fans pelting each other with the stuff as well as singing what Reuters calls “an unprintable song about the vegetable.”

Actually it’s a chant. And quite printable:

“Celery! Celery! Well if she don’t come I’ll tickle her bum with a lump of celery”

While this is an odd tradition, it is certainly less odd than the Cub’s tradition of going at least a century between championships.


Headline of the Day: “Stones deny Keith Richards suffered brain damage.” How could anyone tell?

Slurred, incoherent speech? Double vision? He's Keith Friggin' Richards! That's SOP.

I love Keith. Great guitarist, fine song writer and — even by rock standards — an idiosyncratic singing voice. His solo albums are the only things related to the Stones that have been worth listening to for years. (I highly recommend "… with the Expensive Winos Live at The Hollywood Bowl." Amazing.) This is the man whom I have always assumed could mainline Drano and live. My working theory has always been that only two things were going to survive nuclear war — cockroaches and Keith. You think a bump on the head is going to slow him down? Keith will outlive us all. And laugh doing it.