Headline of the day: “God accused of selling cocaine near Tampa church”

Speaking as a former headline writer — WHERE WAS THIS STORY WHEN I NEEDED IT?

TAMPA, Fla. – Police say a man named God was arrested near a Tampa church for selling cocaine. Authorities began investigating God Lucky Howard in April, and he was arrested on Saturday. Police say he sold the cocaine to undercover detectives in his neighborhood. When officers searched his home, they reported finding another 22 grams of cocaine and a scale.

Well, I think he wasn’t God and I know he wasn’t Lucky. He probably wasn’t Howard, either.

Runner up for headline of the day: Sports bra saves US hiker in German Alp

Berchtesgaden police officer Lorenz Rasp said that he helped lift 24-year-old Jessica Bruinsma of Colorado state to safety by helicopter on Thursday after she attracted the attention of lumberjacks by attaching her sports bra to a cable used to move timber down the mountain.

QUICK, someone get the brand of that bra!