Wondering what to eat with your energy drink? How about energy potato chips

Said to be the world’s first “energy potato chip”, the line of NRG Potato Chips ushers in a new age of television snacking.

$29.70 gets a case of 30 1.75 oz. baggies of deep-fried caffeinated-infused potato goodness.

Just the thing for the crystal meth freak in your life.

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Headline of the day: Study finds caffeine abuse among young Americans

At first glance this definitely fell into the “No Kidding” category, but it turns out

The American College of Emergency Physicians said a review of records at the Illinois Poison Center in Chicago found more than 250 cases of medical complications from ingesting caffeine supplements, 12 percent of them requiring hospitalization, including treatment in intensive-care units. The average age of those who had abused caffeine supplements over the course of the three years studied was 21. The research did not involve caffeine drinks such as coffee or cola.

Which is too bad because I am still waiting for someone to do a study about rates of caffeinated beverage drinking among the young and whether the age when the drinking of said beverages is decreasing. Specifically I’m talking about coffee cuz it seems to me I see 11 & 12 year olds at Starbucks pretty regularly. That’s so wrong. Because it means I have to wait longer in line. And besides with what Starbucks is charging these days I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get mugged by some pre-pubescent so hard up for a triple pumpkin cappuccino fix that if he doesn’t get one RIGHT NOW he’s going to break in to my house and make it so I can’t use my computer and then sue me for the case of carpal-tunnel he gets while doing this. Further proof that caffeine should only be used by the old and tired. Write your congressman now! Let’s get the TSA in on this one … uh oh … caffeine crash …

(BTW, thanks to adfreak for the graphic…)

Fastest growing UK demographic: Women alcoholics

Women drinking at home make up the biggest growth opportunity in the UK’s alcoholic beverages market, according to the latest Datamonitor forecast.

This means a major new source of customers for both the distillers and AA. Speaking of AA, a new study has scientifically proved the efficacy of their method of recovering from the effects of alcoholism:

In a study of more than 125,000 people, one cup of coffee per day cut the risk of alcoholic cirrhosis by 20 percent. Four cups per day reduced the risk by 80 percent. The coffee effect held true for women and men of various ethnic backgrounds.

Researchers offered no indication on whether the quality of the coffee effected the recovery. (A friend told me once that there is no such thing as coffee that is too bad for a member of AA to drink. I’ll take his word for it.)

Ironically being an actual tea-totaller doesn’t help.

The researchers found no reduced risk of cirrhosis for tea drinkers.

Which would, of course, be bad news for AA in the UK. 

When caffeinated gum is outlawed, only outlaws will be wide awake enough to chew gum

The incredibly underworked school department in Lower Burrell, PA, suspended a student for three days “for sharing chewing gum that contains caffeine.”

Burrell School District Superintendent Amy Palermo said products acting as a stimulant are prohibited and possessing them is grounds for disciplinary action. She said the Jolt brand gum is a stimulant that has no other redeeming quality.

Somewhere the Jolt brand manager is itching for a fight.

The school has soda machines, but they aren’t turned on during school hours and drinks containing caffeine aren’t sold in the lunchroom. Palermo said the suspension was mainly based on the girl’s decision to share the gum with another student.

Oh, OK. So she was a dealer. Now it all makes sense.