My what a big pink Hummer you have

Dr. Freud! Dr. Freud! Paging Dr. Freud!

hummer.jpgA UK company has made explicit what it is that makes SUVs quite so appealing to men. Notice how the elongated pink vehicle sits between the rounded turrets and blocks the entrance to the castle from all lesser SUVs.

And while we’re on the topic of obvious, sophomoric humor: Wanko — the yum dog ice-cream from Japan. “When I suck onto my favorite flavored Popsicle, my mutts stare at me with begging eyes……..for may just one slurp! And why not, a man’s best friend should also get an icy-deal to beat the sizzling summer heat. People in Japan can indulge their pets to this dog-flavored ice-cream called Wanko.” Oh behave!

Just in case this isn’t enough giggling over names that mean one thing in English and another in whatever other language, a caption from a picture: “A four-day old baby hippopotamus hides under its 9-year-old mother Porn at Chiang Mai night safari zoo in Chiang Mai province, northern Thailand, Sunday, Aug. 5, 2007.” What’s the kid’s name? Star? BTW, regardless of their names both are incredibly cute.

Early pick in the Ig Noble Awards race: Scientists discover secret to beer foam

Writing in the prestigious British science journal Nature, an elite scientific duo say they have devised an equation to describe beer froth. The breakthrough will not only settle the vexatious lager vs. stout debate, it will also help the quest to pour a perfect pint every time.

This easily equals last year’s winner in the physics category for research into why, when you bend dry spaghetti, it often breaks into more than two pieces.

I hope this year’s awards will include a special PT Barnum citation for Eli Lilly which just got FDA approval for Reconcile, a drug that treats separation anxiety in dogs.

Sex toys and food — are these really products you want to share with your dog?

Someone must thinks so.

Cases in point:

  1. “Is your dog in heat and humping anything it can wrap its horny little legs around? Are you constantly having to pry your promiscuous pooch off the legs of guests, parents and members of your church? Protect your leg from a hump attack by getting Scruffy a Hotdoll.” Yes, there’s a picture of the thankfully-still-theoretical product.
  2. Worried about all that tainted pet food out there? How’s about being your dog’s food tester? Yes, thanks to celebrity oddity Dick van Patten (nice hat) you can open one can for both of you. His new Eatables line of pet foods comes in Irish Stew, Chinese Take-out with Sauce, Hobo Chili, Southern Style Dumplin’s with Gravy. Coming soon: Spaghetti with Beef in Meat Sauce. And if you don’t like it, you can give it to a poor person! (FYI, I love dogs. When we got our last dog, Bear, I was so happy I cried. BUT PLEASE do not treat your pets better than your fellow human. And don’t treat your fellow humans as badly as many people treat animals.)

You know you have too much money when … “Hotel chain offers massages for dogs”

Ritz-Carleton charges $130 for “basic” dog massage. “For another $220, the Ritz throws in gourmet dog biscuits, an in-room pet massage, a choice of nail buffing or nail polish, a souvenir photo, a brisk walk over Sarasota’s scenic Ringling Bridge and a gourmet meal of organic stew and designer water served on a silver tray.” That’s in addition to a $125 nonrefundable pet fee. Hope that includes a “happy ending.”How insane do you have to be to do this?