Headline of the Day: “Japan’s baseball stadiums urged to drop octopus”

Won’t the octopi get hurt?

TOKYO (AFP) – Animal rights activists on Tuesday urged Japanese baseball stadiums to give up their usual fare of hot dogs and fried octopus balls and go vegetarian to fight global warming. Japan’s baseball commissioners announced as the season opened last week that the national pastime would take action to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, in particular by speeding up games. But People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) said it would be more effective for concession stands to serve exclusively vegetarian fare.

When will PETA start speaking up on behalf of the endangered Tofu?

I would like to commend the Japanese baseball league for making game lengths an environmental issue. I hope MLB follows suit. Anything to speed the games up.

9:29 AM — Manny puts Sox ahead 6-4 in the 10th. They should play more games with a 13 hour time difference. I like watching baseball over breakfast.

And speaking of Japan & cephalapods: Got to watch the Japanese movie Calamari Wrestler last weekend. BRILLIANT! Plot: A dying pro-wrestler is cured by monks. Only drawback: cure turns him into a squid. He resumes his life as a pro-wrestler. Also resumes his relationship with his girlfriend. There are so many hysterical scenes it is hard to pick a favorite but I especially loved the one where the happy couple are skipping down the street hand-in-tentacle. It has special effects on a par with early Dr. Who and a truly wonderful campy humor. The Times quote on the box sums it up perfectly: “A cross between The Muppets and Godzilla.” Which is also a great idea for the next Muppets movie.

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Why Al Gore shouldn’t have won the Nobel Peace Prize

First my bona fides:

1. I started covering global warming in the early 1990s. I have no doubts about it and have read more on the topic than your average bear (especially the polar bears who don’t read that much anymore because they’re having to look for new homes because the polar ice cap is melting, fortunately for them this is happening just as the US real estate market is tanking … but I digress).
2. You really, really don’t want to know how much military history I’ve read. It’s a lot. I remember my cell phone number because it’s close to the year of the battle of Hastings. I know when the first battle that we have records from both sides was. (1300 BC. Hittites vs. Egyptians. The home team Hittites, under coach Muwatallis, won the contest at Kadesh but didn’t cover the spread. In case you were wondering, Muwatallis is also known to history as Mutwatallis and Mutwatalli II. His friends all called him Fred because when they tried to call him Mut he had them beheaded.) So yeah, you don’t want to go there with me.
3. Ever since he got out of politics I’ve been a big Al Gore fan. Prior to losing the 2000 election I never would have suspected he could be interesting AND funny. Love him on Futurama and Saturday Night Live. No I have never seen “Inconvenient Truth.” As the great Tim McIntyre puts it: I don’t need to study for a test I’ve already passed.
4. So…

Al Gore won the Nobel PEACE Prize? Yeah, I know environmental problems are and will cause all sorts of conflicts. So what? They always have. Dear Nobel Committee (and this is as close to it as I will ever get) what part of the phrase “peace prize” don’t you understand?

The Peace Prize goes to great groups like Doctors Without Borders and The Red Cross. It goes to people who actually stopped fighting or helped people deal with the aftermath of war. It also went to Henry Kissinger. That Peace Prize is most notable because Tom Lehrer cited it as proof that irony was indeed dead.

This is a stretch. If you want to give a prize for generally helping the planet than give one of those. Mr. Gore would certainly deserve that one. But lets give the Peace Prize to something having to do with armed conflict. Is that asking too much? So that’s why I am naming the Nobel Committee the Nat’l. Assoc. of Penguins of Irony Employee of the Month. I look forward to their acceptance speech.

Bigfoot may join endangered species list — Yeti, Loch Ness Monster both say, “Not my problem”

Canadian MP Mike Lake who has called for Bigfoot to be protected under Canada’s species at risk act, alongside Whooping Cranes, Blue Whales, and Red Mulberry trees.

Before you start scoffing remember — if we’d acted sooner we’d still have unicorns, dragons and the Midgard Serpent. Personally, I blame global warming.

Mother nature takes action against global warming: Bull attacks Ford Explorer

Mabel Washburn pulled into her driveway in upstate New York only to be attacked by the enraged bovine. Maybe it, too, prefers Toyota.

The aliens aren’t coming!

Over at The16thMinute I bloviate about an ugly trend that seems to be forming in the book publishing world.

Now we have “An Introduction to Planetary Defense: A Study of Modern Warfare Applied to Extra-Terrestrial Invasion.” It has a number of authors all of whom are, it seems, experts in a variety of real defense-related issues. Description: “This book describes a serious look at defending the planet in the event of an extra-terrestrial invasion.”

STOP.

I admit I am guilty of the classic sin of offering an opinion on a book I haven’t read, but I have to. I don’t want to see “When Vampires Attack: A Handbook,” “How To Pour Salt On A Giant Radioactive Sea Slug,” or “The Hunter’s Guide To Killing and Preparing Dinosaurs.”

Actually that radioactive sea-slug book is looking more appealing by the minute. Excuse me while I write up a book proposal.

AND … another one over at the other blog: Global warming grows cold.

Global Warming: The Event has just jumped the sharks that global warming — the reality — is killing off.

Markets you never knew existed: Woman invents beer for dogs

In my day, we called it Haffenreffer but apparently today’s pooch is too good for the Green Death. So Terrie Berenden, a pet shop owner in the southern Dutch town of Zelhem, created a beer for her Weimaraners made from beef extract and malt. We here at Collateral Damage praise Ms. Berenden for adding yet another weapon to fight the growing scourge of animal anorexia. Kwispelbier (kwispel is Dutchlandish for wagging a tail), now stands proudly beside hand-made dog treats and lazy owners in our effort to promote more obese fauna. (Also it turns out that a “kold Kwispy” is easier to serve than global warming.)

Remember, there is one key question we all need to ask ourselves when approaching a member of the animal kingdom: Does it make me look thin?

2 Great Trends That Taste Great Together: Norway links global warming and obesity

All this story needs is a celebrity with an iPhone and it will hit trend nirvana.

“If mild winters without snow continue, elk (known as moose in North America) will become fatter and fatter,” said Erling Solberg, a researcher at the Norwegian Institute of Nature Research. “Usually in winter they eat branches, which are not very nutritious, but the lack of snow means elk are stuffing themselves on berries, especially blueberries.”

So who’s in charge of telling the moose that they’re fat?

Group says Exxon paid $16M to mislead public; GM doing it for free

The Union of Concerned Scientists claims the oil co. paid groups to spread bad science about global warming.

Color me bitter and cynical but … there’s people who didn’t know that? Everyone remembers the tobacco industry’s efforts at “science,” right? You think they were the only ones who did this?

Meanwhile over at GM (motto: “Remember when we mattered?”), Honcho Bob Lutz says government plans to raise  fuel economy standards will “hand over” the truck and SUV markets to the Japanese.

Under CAFE rules, automakers earn credits for surpassing the fuel-economy standards in a model year. Those credits can then be used to cover a shortfall in the following three years. Many foreign automakers, such as Toyota and Honda, routinely surpass the standards, while GM, Ford and DaimlerChrysler have used credits in recent years. The Japanese automakers “have earned years of accumulated credits from their fleets of formerly very small cars,” Lutz said. “They can afford to go bigger, which they’re doing now by the way, and they’d be able to move up and fill the segments we’d be forced to vacate.”

So the argument is that the competition somehow cheated by making cars with better gas mileage when GM wasn’t?

Nor is this the only interesting moment of logic from Mr. L:

Lutz compared the attempt to force automakers to sell smaller vehicles to “fighting the nation’s obesity problem by forcing clothing manufacturers to sell garments only in small sizes. For one thing, it puts us, the domestic manufacturers, at odds with the desires of most of our customers,” he said.

Would those be the same customers who bought 13% fewer GM and Ford cars and light trucks last month than they had a year earlier? Or would those be the customers who pushed Toyota’s December sales up 12% from the previous year?

I now understand BP’s claim to be a green oil company

Quoth the Wall Street Journal:

Public, Political Pressure May Rise
As Inquiry Looks Into Possibility
Of Manipulation in Gas, Oil Prices

Federal investigators are examining whether BP manipulated crude-oil and unleaded-gasoline markets, signaling a rise in regulatory scrutiny of the British energy giant, said lawyers and traders close to the case.

See here we all thought that by green they meant concern for the environment. That claim was so ludicrous (see Alaskan oil fields) but now it makes sense: Green = $. And it’s refreshingly honest, too.
If these allegations are true it proves that BP has problems on more than just a moral level. How dumb does a gas/oil company have to be to bother with manipulating markets in THIS economy? Mr. Gild, meet Mr. Lilly. Even by my lax standards this falls under “excessive profit taking.”

Why you should always read your junk mail

I swear to whatever deity you like I am not making this up. Headline from a release passed on to me by Brandweek’s ace webmaster Rory Thompson:

The latest Feminine Hygiene’s Innovation in 50 years Addresses Global Warming Issue

What’s not to love? Not only does it take PR over-reach to a whole new level but it’s got an entirely superflous apostrophe s! Fun for the whole family.

There’s no point in gilding this particular lilly, so I’ll just quote from the release:

With temperatures rising across the country, everyone is aware of the issue of global warming. Fortunately, there is more emphasis on how individuals can be proactive about the issue in their daily life. Not every woman can buy a hybrid automobile, but one company is making a concentrated effort to educate woman about the positive environmental impact their feminine hygiene choice can make to the global warming issue. Diva International, creator of The DivaCup™, is on the leading-edge of the US $2.3 Billion in 2001 (expected $2.7 Billion in 2005) feminine hygiene market with their newly designed menstrual cup.

In 2000, over 55.9 million women (in the US alone) are monthly users of disposable feminine hygiene products. The 41 year menstruation span (11-52 years) creates billions of pounds of disposable feminine hygiene products being “dumped” into the environment each year. In 1998, the annual figures for the U.S. were estimated at 12 billion sanitary pads and 7 billion tampons. Landfills are over-taxed with feminine hygiene products. Their manufacture uses great resources of energy. In addition, the additives and surfactants they contain pollute rivers, streams and oceans.

“Disposable feminine hygiene waste poses a continuing environmental issue. This has a serious impact on the environment and global warming. We are committed to decreasing this serious eco-footprint by offering The DivaCup™. We truly believe that menstrual cups are the next generation of feminine hygiene. An added benefit is that women can save $350 a year because The DivaCup™ is reusable”, states Carinne Pickering who began the company with her mother after completing an Honors Bachelor of Business degree from the prestigious Wilfrid Laurier University.

In the feminine hygiene category, where there have been very few innovations in over 50 years, the DivaCup™ represents a breakthrough product for women. With the focus on health and the environment, the company sets its sights on encouraging woman to consider this new wave in feminine hygiene.

After 10 years of successfully selling menstrual cups worldwide, the pair redesigned the device, making structural improvements and manufacturing it out of medical grade silicone. This material is the same type of silicone used in knee replacements and heart valves which makes The DivaCup™ comfortable, clean and long-lasting. Medical grade silicone has been safely and extensively used in medical devices for over five decades.

“With all the state-of-the-art conveniences Western society has developed, it baffles me why we are still using out-dated feminine hygiene concepts,” explains Francine who had the concept of a menstrual cup in her head for over 25 years. “I knew that I just had to offer this to other women around the world and I knew that it would be my lifelong passion. Health and the environment go hand-in-hand.”

Because the menstrual cup has never been linked to Toxic Shock Syndrome, women are also putting their concern for health to the forefront by purchasing this leading-edge alternative to tampons.

Talk about burying your lead. Their actual claim to anything is all in the last three graphs.

More proof that global warming is a hoax! Canadian glacier set to invade California.

Arctic Glacier to Acquire California Ice

"The Arctic Glacier Income Fund plans to acquire California Ice, a distributor of packaged ice, for about $190 million. Arctic Glacier, which is based in Winnipeg, said the acquisition would be made through a subsidiary, Arctic Glacier Inc."