Headline: Egypt cleric says Mickey Mouse is not agent of Satan

While Mrs. Collateral Damage, who has all the details on the story, doubtless agrees with the learned cleric, I do believe it is an issue on which reasonable people may disagree. And still remain married.

Best quote from the story:

Sheikh Mohamed al-Munajid, a cleric who often appears on Saudi television and who is also a former Saudi diplomat in the United States, said last week that mice were “agents of Satan” and should be killed. “Sharia (Islamic law) calls for the extermination of all mice. That includes the rodents as well as ‘the famous cartoon mouse’,” he said. He blamed Mickey Mouse for causing people to become soft on mice.

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When life imitates George Carlin*: Fake priest arrested for baptizing real baby

The Portuguese are very particular about who may or may not splash water on infants. An unidentified 34-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of impersonating a priest in a small town in northern Portugal.

“When the man said ‘in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit’ police came in and grabbed him,” said a member of the church.

Shouldn’t the “move-in” phrase have been “I renounce thee Satan“? Have the cops no sense of theater or irony?

*Carlin’s line was something like, “Off-duty cop arrests on-duty robber.”

P&G has devil of a time collecting damages in Satan case

That $19.25M they were supposed to get? Turns out that:

1. The jurors guesstimated the amount based on what they think the lawyers charged.
2. The judge — not the jury — gets to decide what, if any, lawyer fees can be awarded.
3. The original judge thought it would be a cold day in … well you know … before P&G collected even if they proved the case.

The Satan Desk at Brandweek has the full details here.

Procter & Gamble v. Amway Distributors: Original “Great Satan” has its day in court

The wheels of justice grind slowly, even if you have more than 20 billion-dollar brand-names in your corporate pocket. A dozen years ago P&G sued a bunch of Amway distributors in Utah who — it was alleged — repeated “a false rumor linking the household-products company to a Satanic church.” Closing arguments were heard Friday.

Best quote from the story:

The jurors will not be asked to determine whether the Satan-worship allegation is true – both sides have agreed it’s not – but whether the hellish rumor harmed sales of P&G products.

Too bad. I would much rather have had to decide on that first issue.

The defendants defense is also rather good: They were just repeating a rumor they believed to be true. I forget, is idiocy a valid defense?

P&G has been so dogged by this rumor that it has devoted an entire section of its website to denying it.

Snopes has a great section on the entire story, of course. All of this dates back to whenever it was that some loon or another decided he (you know it was a he) could see a 666 in the company’s man in the moon logo — WHICH ALSO HAS 13 STARS ON IT!!!

Since then the bizarre rumor has continued to resurface. Different versions have the president of P&G as saying he worshiped The Dark Prince during an appearance on either The Phil Donahue Show in 1994 or The Sally Jesse Raphael show in 1998. This is what makes the story so laughable. Anyone with half-a-brain could tell you that this sort of admission is ONLY done on Oprah.

The other thing that refutes this whole thing is also painfully obvious: If P&G were in charge of marketing the Church of Satan then the Church of Satan would now be synonymous with fun, perky and very clean. Also it would have a new smell — Goodbye sulfur, hello Firebreze®.

In the interests of full-disclosure: I have been to Mordor … er, Cincinnati … and interviewed both Saruman and Lord Voldemort several times (that’s what you get to call A.G. Lafley and Jim Stengel when they like you). So I’m probably part of the conspiracy, too. Don’t say I didn’t tell you.

UPDATE: We’ll that didn’t take long. P&G 1, Amway-Types 0. Actually P&G $19.25 million, Amway-Types 0UCH.

The Great Satan wants CHICKEN!!!

Remember back when Microsoft was presumed to be corporate evil personified? That was before Google discovered China and, of course, before Mr. Gates decided to turn himself into the world’s premier venture capitalist of public health. Well, maybe they’re not as evil … but they still do screw up. The company previewed its new Vista operating system in Latvia yesterday only to find out that in Latvian the word means chicken and is slang for a “frumpy old woman.” Yes, but it’s a frumpy old woman who is helping to rid the world of disease.