Scariest halloween costume ever?

CollateralDamage Jr. went out like this on Friday. The reaction was the same everywhere — a very rueful chuckle.

Hello, treasury department.

OMG

PS: It was all his idea.

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Halloween: A love story

Seven leaves whip across the street followed by a ghost, a goblin and the lion king – sheet, cape and tail fluttering behind them. Ahead, a gang of superheroes clamors from door to door, scooping handfuls of candy out of bowls and then bounding off into the lowering twilight. The ghost and the goblin know those superheroes and don’t like them; were beaten up by Superman once. The lion king – a cousin from across town – is ignorant. Ignorant of the gang and happy, ignorant of the neighborhood and hesitant. So, when the ghost and the goblin suddenly cut across a deserted lot, he follows, not caring where.

One street over is practically a different world. The long, low sheets of one-story row houses and the broad, open sky above them are replaced with high walls of three-decker apartment buildings. They cast long, inky shadows and bring night on much faster. Ghost and goblin pause before running up some steps, but when they do they press three doorbells at once. When the buzzer sounds they yell “Trick or treat!” at the top of nine-year-old lungs. Only silence answers. They do this three more times at three other buildings without success before noticing no lights are on in any of the windows on the street. Suddenly they miss the superheroes’ familiar threat. Moving to a puddle of light beneath a street lamp, they instinctively stand with their backs to each other, looking up and down the street for a threat or a hope. Then, coming around a corner far away, the lion king sees Spiderman and Batman waving bags of candy above their heads. He smiles in his ignorance and roars and the ghost and the goblin howl. Then they all dash toward the enemy in the glow of a rising orange moon.

Perfect celeb endorsement: Absinthe co. signs up Marilyn Manson

Manson, real name Brian Hugh Warner, has created the artwork for the label — adorned with Gothic script and featuring a green-hued cadaverous-looking man poised to sip from his goblet.

Two great tastes that taste great together… and just in time for Halloween!

How to make sure no one ever mistakes you for a real journalist

The caption reads: “Ann Curry, news anchor on the NBC ‘Today’ television program, is dressed as Cher, part of the show’s annual Halloween costume event in New York’s Rockefeller Center, Tuesday Oct. 31, 2006.”

At right is someone named Natalie Morales, alleged national correspondent for the show. Oddly Matt Lauer got to dress up as Jack Sparrow and not as a hyper-sexualized figurine.

Suddenly the words “Katie Couric” and “gravitas” don’t seem oxymoronic.

Technorati Tags: Ann, Curry, Today, Show, Cher, NBC, Katie, Couric, Journalist, Embarrassment

Doing bad by doing good: White Castle gives 2 free burgers to people who protect Detroit from vandalism

As punishment the vandals get four free burgers.

Technorati Tags: White, Castle, Free, Burgers, Halloween, Cheap, Shot

Just in time for the holiday: Candy-ceuticals

“I have long dreamed of one day finding a way that people could enjoy all of the healthful, anti-oxidant, cholesterol lowering and weight management benefits of unprocessed chocolate without the usual consequences of sugar and artificial sweeteners.”

And MLK Jr. had a dream of equality and I have a dream of the Cubs going to the World Series. Well at least the dream of Dr. Keith Scott-Mumby is now a reality. “In fact, eating two pieces of The Doctor’s Chocolate each day relieves stress and puts the joy back in living.”

What is it that separates the Dr.’s candy from that of Messers Hershey & Nestle? In addition to the unprocessed -ness of the chocolate, it’s

“L-Theanine (Suntheanine), a natural amino acid found in green tea that promotes concentration and focus, while keeping the caloric content, fat, and sugar of each delicious truffle in check.”

YAY! No longer are you gorging on chocolate, now you are over-dosing on “medicine” as well! (Please pay no attention to this little sentence at the bottom of the page: “*Statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.”) Some of the statements that have not been evaluated:

Only 20 calories per piece
1 gram of fat – 3 net carbs
Low sugar – diabetic safe
Reduces sugar cravings

If the FDA hasn’t evaluated the product’s slogan — Piece, Love & Happiness — then I will. Get it right please: What’s so funny ’bout Peace, Love and Understanding? Recommended daily dosage from the good doctor: 2 pieces per day. Each piece weighs about 6 grams, which for us Americans means a little less than your average ball point pen. I’m sure we’re all going to eat our chocolate responsibly, right?

Lest one doubt whether or not the good Dr. Scott-Mumby is in fact a good doctor, look no further than the About page on his website:

In 1987, Dr. Keith made medical / legal history, when a UK Crown Court accepted his testimony that food allergies could promote violent, anti-social behavior and that these allergies were responsible for a young defendant’s criminal actions.

Yep. This guy actually got the Twinkie defense stand up in court. Then I’m definitely going to take his word about the chocolate.

The Doctor’s Chocolate — The preferred candy-ceutical of Penguins of Irony everywhere. Accept no substitutes, except no substitutes.

Technorati Tags: Halloween, Chocolate, Green, Tea, FDA, MLK, Elvis, Costello, Penguins, of, Irony, Candy-ceutical, Keith, Scott-Mumby

A story for Halloween

Seven leaves whip across the street followed by a ghost, a goblin and the lion king – sheet, cape and tail fluttering behind them. Ahead a gang of superheroes clamors from door to door, scooping handfuls of candy out of bowls and then bounding off into the lowering twilight. The ghost and the goblin know those superheroes and don’t like them; were beaten up by superman once. The lion king – a cousin from across town – is ignorant. Ignorant of the gang and happy, ignorant of the neighborhood and hesitant. So, when the ghost and the goblin suddenly cut across a deserted lot, he follows, not caring where.

One street over is practically a different world. The long, low sheets of one-story row houses and the broad, open sky above them are replaced with marching columns of three-decker apartment buildings whose inky shadows bring night on much faster. Ghost and goblin pause before running up some steps, but when they do they press three doorbells at once. When the buzzer sounds they yell “Trick or treat!” at the top of nine-year-old lungs, but get only silence in return. They do this three more times at three other buildings without success before noticing no lights are on in any of the windows on the street. Suddenly they miss the superheroes’ familiar threat. Moving to a puddle of light beneath a street lamp, they instinctively stand with their backs to each other, looking up and down the street for a threat or a hope. Then, around a corner far away, the lion king sees Spiderman and Batman waving bags of candy above their heads. He smiles in his ignorance and roars and the ghost and the goblin howl, then they all dash toward the rising moon.

PETA bugs out and provides free PR to Six Flags

People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals continues to prove its cluelessness, this time by protesting a promotion at Six Flags Great America to scrap its Halloween-themed cockroach-eating promotion. The incredibly well-run (less of a donated dollar goes to overhead costs than 98% of all other charities) but idiotic group said the contest which offers unlimited line-jumping privileges to anyone who eats a live Madagascar hissing cockroach is “gratuitously cruel.”

Yes, but I would argue it’s not the bug that it’s cruel to.