Buzzword bingo face-off: iPad vs. Google Buzz

What’s the best jargon generator, Google Buzz or iPad?

Nobody actually knows what impact either of these technologies will have, but everybody still wants to say something about them. Here’s a totally unscientific sampling from a bunch of blogs highlighting the best jargon describing each of them.

The iPad is being called a game changer, a new platform, a multipurpose e-reader, and an enterprise opportunity especially now that it has greenlighted VOIP. (That last was actually in a headline.) It also has accessibility out-of-the-box.

Can we all agree on a single use for the box and what is outside it? Did accessibility out-of-the-box come from thinking outside of the box? Which box are we using here and what was in it to begin with? Do cereal or shoes have accessibility out-of-the-box?

The best iPad-related jargon sentence: “Apple may well have zeroed in on the inflection point for a new piece of consumer technology.”

Despite the iPad buzz, Google’s new Buzz wins the jargon prize based on a single blog post from Poynter’s Will Sullivan. This is one of the most astounding single-sentence paragraphs I have ever read:

Based on the YouTube video explanation, Buzz is kind of a Facebook-foursquare-Twitter-FriendFeed competitor, but could be much more than the sum of the Google products they’re integrating with it, including Google Profiles, Google Gmail (its Contact list gets integrated automatically), Google Picasa photos (it can also incorporate feeds from other multimedia tools such as Flickr and YouTube) …

Read the rest and increase my page view count by clicking here and going to my blog at EmediaVitals.

Parse that mission statement

Further proof that mission statements are over-emphasized. Can you ID the following Web 2.0 company? It is successful despite a mission statement that says:

“We provide innovative experiences to end-users and their administrators because we see existing tools are fundamentally broken. We also believe in compatibility with existing infrastructure and applications (both open source and proprietary).”

“We see existing tools are fundamentally broken”? Is there a language in which this makes sense?

What makes this company even funnier is that nowhere on its site is there a simple declarative sentence saying what it is they do. I’ve parsed the jargon and I think I might know what they do but it is indeed a guess.

BTW, no one guessed why yesterday’s symbol was important (except the one person who actually knew).

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Jargon alert! What do you get when you mix ADD and WWW? Wilfing.

As in “What Was I Looking For?”

A survey by YouGov claims “Wilfers lose two working days a month to aimless browsing, with men being the worst offenders, the study said. Shopping sites are the most distracting.

Jason Lloyd, from price comparison Web site, which commissioned the research, said: “Although people log on with a purpose, they are now being offered so much choice and online distraction that many forget what they are there for, and spend hours aimlessly wilfing instead. It’s important people do not allow unnecessary online distractions to get in the way when surfing the Internet, as it can affect productivity in the workplace and relationships at home.”

Anyone remember when this was called “surfing” and it was a good thing?

BTW, I think this one will have a tough time catching on as a buzzword because of its similarity to Milf. But that’s just me.

New, ugly buzz words: Phoods & Bepherages

Definition: Packaged foods and beverages providing a positive pharmaceutical benefit beyond basic nutrition by virtue of their inclusion of medically beneficial ingredients.

“Medically beneficial ingredients.” Is that not a great meaningless phrase? The only thing that really rules out from the category is Twinkies which actually has no ingredients that fall into that category.

From the release: “Consumer demand for functional foods is skyrocketing and we expect that greater consumer awareness of the benefits of these foods will stimulate market growth beyond our estimates.”

Personally, I like all my foods functional. Or should that be phully phunctional?