Hot flashes kill Jack Sparrow

It’s not easy being Capt. Jack, reports BrokeHoedown:

Disneyland management has fired the four actors who played pirate Jack Sparrow because officials were worried about young female park-goers flashing the swashbuckling actors late at night, according to one former cast member.

“They lost control when they saw Jack Sparrow,” said former pirate Brandon Pinto, who left the role after a dispute with management a year ago. “This is a sexy, rock-star pirate.”

Brandon Pinto???? And I thought my name sounded fake.

Guess Billy Joel was right:

Captain Jack will get you high tonight
And take you to your special island
Captain Jack will get you by tonight
Just a little push, and you’ll be smilin’

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Shaolin monks fight losing battle over brand

China‘s Shaolin Temple, the cradle of Chinese kung fu, is demanding an apology from an Internet user who said its monks had once been beaten in unarmed combat by a Japanese ninja.

Hell guys, walk into any biker bar or dungeons & dragons game on a Friday night and you’ll hear at least two guys claiming they beat you AND a ninja.

The real question is could they beat a pirate?