Are you sure Mr. Gibbon was talking about the Roman Empire?

“The image of a free constitution was maintained with a decent reverence.”

– Gibbon, Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

Bust on right is Constantine the Great. (No relation).

Bust on right is Constantine the Great. (No relation).

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How much should someone be paid to bankrupt a company? A shopper’s guide

“It’s in the best interests of taxpayers to have Jamie Dimon running J.P. Morgan. They should want to have the best people out there running these banks, and I’m not sure capping pay is the way to do that.” – Jeffrey Immelt, CEO of GE, on President Barack Obama’s proposal to cap pay for executives.

Hard to know what the CEO of a company that has lost 2/3rds of its share value in 12 months means by “best people.” Certainly Dimon looks good in comparison to Immelt. JPMorgan is down slightly less than half over the same period. Still I think it is in the taxpayers best interest to pay as little as possible for incompetence of this magnitude. George Bush, after all, was paid a mere $200,000 a year.

pay-chart

Compensation numbers can be found here.

During the pet-food-poisoning scandal it was revealed the only difference between many top-shelf brands and their down-market competitors was the labels. I believe the same principle can be applied here.

How about this for a sign: “Will wreck your business for food.”

Politician denies he told the truth when he called it a “depression

ooops In the weekly question and answer session in parliament, [UK Prime Minister Gordon] Brown said there needed to be agreement “as a world on a monetary and fiscal stimulus that will take the world out of depression.”

Brown’s spin doctors immediately said it was a slip of the tongue by the PM.

I think his comments were taken out of context.

15 sayings from the great Zen masters of Texas

Guides to life from Ken Weaver’s inexplicably out-of-print book Texas Crude: The How-To on Talkin’ Texan.

  1. “Might as well. Can’t dance and it’s too wet to plow.”
  2. “I’ve enjoyed just about all of this I can stand.”
  3. “Anything not a mystery is guesswork.”
  4. “Ugly as death backing out of an [out]house reading Mad magazine.”
  5. “If I was doing any better I couldn’t stand it and the law wouldn’t allow it.”
  6. “Shoot low, they’re riding shetlands.” 
  7. He can’t find his ass in five tries.”
  8. “You’d complain if they were hanging you with a new rope.”
  9. “It’s getting drunk outside.”
  10. “I feel like I was shot at and missed, [spit] on and hit.”
  11. “Three things you need to know about plumbing: Water runs downhill, payday is Friday and don’t put your fingers in your mouth.”
  12. “Walk fast and look worried.”
  13. “You buy ’em books and you buy ’em books and they keep chewing on the covers.”
  14. “You can wish in one hand and [spit] in the other and see which one fills up first.”
  15. “Tougher than a Mexican family.”

Marketers rush to rip-off Obama brand

How should  BlackBerry to thank the President for the amazing product endorsement without just mailing him a large check. How about endowing a scholarship (or 10) in his name? That’s a start. Whatever they do the following companies should really do the same.

1) Beanie Babies that lie: Doll-maker Ty must think they are a bank. They have decided to lie about the fact that they’re new dolls — named Sweet Sasha and Marvelous Malia — are actually ripping off the Obama kids.

Obama Daughters Dolls“[We] chose the dolls’ names because “they are beautiful names,” not because of any resemblance to President Obama’s daughters, said spokeswoman Tania Lundeen. “There’s nothing on the dolls that refers to the Obama girls,” Lundeen said. “It would not be fair to say they are exact replications of these girls. They are not.”

A moment of sympathy for Ms. Lundeen, who had to deliver that line with a straight face. Some PR folks do not get paid enough.

Ty is offering up this bizarre claim because public figures have legal rights to controlling the use of their images. The company’s only hope to get away with this is that the President is too busy saving our asses to notice. I’m not an attorney (to put it mildly) and I could win this one. Guys make it easier on yourself and just start donating all income (not profits) from these to a non-profit.

2) I’ll (Soft) drink to that: Thankfully neither Jones Soda nor Avery Soda are pretending their two flavors are anything but an attempt to get the President’s name on to their product.

oberry barack-soda

For harder stuff you’ll have to go to Kenya where the President lager has replaced the Senator brew previously available. Oddly, considering this is our first president to admit inhaling pot no rolling papers yet. Obama Bombers, anyone?

barack_obama_beer

Continuing down the beverage aisle there are also a number of Obama coffees. This is my favorite because of the box.

coffee

3) Oooooh that smell: There is now a “fragrance you can believe in.” Best part of the product is the ad copy

a clean, refreshing blend of citrus, green leaves & marine notes/in Honor of Barack Obama/ a limited edition/historically commemorative fragrance that insights Hope for Women and Men

Is it better to insight or incite? I dunno? (BTW, POTUS is short for “President of the …”)

potus1600bottleIf you would rather have some Eau Bama in the car you can replace that paper pine tree with …

airfreshenerforce1(And I have to say I am disappointed to be the first person to use Eau Bama. C’mon people!)

4) In the running: All basketball stars love to have their own sneaker, and sneaker companies love when a basketball star sells their sneakers. So what is more approporiate for our Power-Forward-In-Chief than …

sneaker

Worth noting that this sneaker would be considered a deadly insult to the President in many cultures. But can we get a pair to our favorite shoe-thrower?

If you would rather not have him on the sole of your shoe, try these:

barack-obama-custom-sneakers-2

5) The President helps out around the house: This is my favorite combination of slogan and product — even though I cannot think of the last time I actually used a can opener.

yes-we-can-opener

There’s a lot of opportunities still untapped here. How about Obama baby wipes — “when you need change and got stuck cleaning up a big mess.”

It’s so bad some companies are actually telling the truth.

From my latest at BlownMortage:

Société Générale expects the United States’ economy  to enter a depression and that China’s economy in in danger of  imploding. Albert Edwards, an analyst for the European financial services giant, wrote:

While economic data in developed economies increasingly reflects depression rather than a deep recession, the real surprise in 2009 may lie elsewhere. It is becoming clear that the Chinese economy is imploding and this raises the possibility of regime change. To prevent this, the authorities would likely devalue the yuan. A subsequent trade war could see a re-run of the Great Depression.

If this sounds apocalyptic it is at the very least a needed antidote to the incessant whistling-past-the-graveyard we are hearing from so many other official sources. My current favorite comes from Philly Fed Chairman Charles Plosser:

I expect the housing sector will finally hit bottom in 2009 and the financial markets will gradually return to some semblance of normalcy.

Plosser also says he  doesn’t expect uneployment to hit double digits. While I am not certain Mr. Edwards is right, I would happily bet my next mortgage payment Mr. Plosser is wrong.

One of these is certainly to be a nominee for the worst prediction of the year awards.

Retailer’s top flack “intrigued” that “cheap is chic”

“What’s so intriguing these days, whether you work on Wall Street or in Wal-Mart is that it has absolutely become chic to be cheap. It’s all about price. Factors like quality, selection, store location and customer service are taking a back seat. We believe this will continue for the foreseeable future.” — Tracy Mullin, president National Retail Federation.

Ms. Mullin is now the front-runner to be named Secretary of The Obvious.