What part of the phrase “deep-fried Coca Cola” don’t you understand?

It’s state fair time, which means the culinary masterminds of the fryolator are hard at work looking for new things to flash fry. So ten-gallon hats off to Abel Gonzales Jr. who made it possible for the State Fair of Texas to be able to become the first and hopefully last home to a concotion of Coca-Cola flavored-batter dropped in to sizzling fat then covered with Coke fountain syrup, whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry.

You first…

And to wash it down? Gummi candies that smell and taste just like beer.

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Just what the world needs, an ice cream that tastes like chicken.

 OK, so the headline from this AFP story promised rattlesnake ice cream (Beat the heat — with rattlesnake ice cream)but only cow tongue, Indian curry, cheese, cactus, saury (a type of fish), shrimp, wasabi (Japanese horseradish), roasted eggplant, rice, tofu and salad flavored ice creams are for sale in Tokyo. I have been deceived. FYI: "the cow tongue ice cream is a mixture of vanilla and beef broth with small red chunks of tongue." You first.

Will Atkins kill you?

Man, hard to think of a brand/fad that hit its 16th minute of fame as hard as Atkins did. It has fallen so far out of favor that some doctors are saying it might even be fatal.

Study suggests cakes are made of meat

Quoth Reuters: “If you want to keep the weight down, switch to a meat-free diet.” Speaking as a vegetarian: it wasn’t the burgers that added to my buns. FYI, the details: Scientist who studied the eating habits of 22,000 people over five years, including meat eaters and vegetarians, found they all put on a few kilos but meat eaters who changed to a vegetarian or vegan diet gained the least.

USDA doesn’t think latest mad cow scare will hurt beef sales, also questions the whole what goes up coming down thing.

File under: Who you gonna believe … me or your lying eyes?

Mad cow alert won’t harm beef sales: USDA’s Johanns qoes the Reuters headlines. Is it just me or does the ability to whistle as you pass the graveyard seem to be a prerequisite to getting a job in this administration? In this case our maestro of mouth must is Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns who was in Poland when he said, “I do not think it will have a negative impact on trade with other countries.” Sadly communications between eastern Europe and the Pacific rim are not all that great and word of this pronouncement had not yet reached South Korea. SK was nearly simultaneously announcing that yes they would ban US beef if this latest cow turned out to be crazy.

A lesson for Mr. Johanns comes from India where the government has had to do a massive ad campaign to get people to eat chicken and eggs again after avian flu whacked sales. Keep in mind that this downturn in sales came DESPITE the fact that there is no link whatsoever between eating poultry and catching the so far not-so-dread disease.

Maybe if they’d just serve the chicken on Krispy Kreme…

The Krispy Kreme-burger, I wish I was making this up

The Consumerist, which is truly the blog I wish I’d thought of first, reports that the Gateway Grizzlies minor league baseball team have broken new ground in culinary degradation.

“The burger…consists of a thick and juicy burger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon. The burger is then placed in between each side of a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut.”

Further quoth the press release:

The Grizzlies have added a unique concession item each of the least two seasons. In 2004 “Baseball’s Best Hotdog” hit GMC Stadium. It consisted of a 1/5 pound Farmland 8 inch All Beef Black Angus Hot Dog, topped with two strips of freshly cooked bacon, 1 oz. Sautéed Onions, 1 oz. Sautéed Sauerkraut and ½ oz. Cheddar Cheese Sauce, all on a fresh baked bun. In 2005, the “Swiss Brat” was introduced. The “Swiss Brat” was made up of a Landshire Bratwurst with a slice of Swiss cheese in the middle of it. The cheese was then melted and 1oz. of Sautéed Sauerkraut was placed on top.

“We are excited to work with the Grizzlies this season on Baseball’s Best Burger,” said Tina Bryan, Vice President of Marketing for Sweet Traditions, the local area developer for Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. “Our doughnuts have been used in such things as wedding cakes, bread pudding, fondue, and now a hamburger bun. What a fun and unique way to offer our signature Original Glazed doughnut to Grizzlies fans.”

I am predicting sales in the high 1 figure. Oh Lord, I hope I’m right.

Today’s pointless digression … Collateral Damage is something of a minor league freak. I and the entire CD family have happily gone miles out of our way to go to many of minor league games. Indeed, my first fiance proposed to me in the stands along first base at McCoy Stadium — home of the Pawtucket Red Sox. (I’ve had two fiancees and only one wife. You could say that fiance No. 1 never made it to second base. Or that she was just a short stop of my affections. Or you could just hope no one ever made a joke like that. You would clearly be hoping in vain.)

Revenge is a dish best served … with ketchup

McDonald’s is being sued for having milk and wheat in its french fries. The lawsuits charge the company with breach of promise. Apparently people got angry upon learning that some of Mickey D’s food stuffs actually contained food.