Competition increasing among deity-related air carriers: Nepal Airlines sacrifices goats for repair job

Officials at Nepal‘s state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab (see below), the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday. … The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal’s only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said.

Yeah, that’s just a cover story. This is really all about fighting off the challenge from Vatican Airlines. This now has all the makings for a funny novel in the fantasy genre. Someone call Mr. Pratchett.

Personally, given this deity’s countenance, I think two goats is a little on the cheap side. Definitely don’t want Him/Her/It/Them mad at me.

BTW, kudos to the blog Galloping Beaver for having a better headline on this story than I do: Akash Bhairab is my co-pilot. And their lead is funnier, too: “Faith-based aircraft maintenance.” I don’t think I like this Galloping Beaver… (but they didn’t have the cool Yeti service ad for Nepal Royal. Ha & Ha.)

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Vatican Air hits its first snag: Airport security confiscates holy water

Officials at Tarbes-Lourdes airport in southern France said that bottles of water from the shrine at Lourdes could present a potential terrorist threat. The pilgrims were told they could not carry holy water in bottles bigger than the maximum allowed: 100 ml. 

No divine intervention with security?

Another possible explanation: Airport Security is actually being staffed by Vampires. Think about it.

BTW, the Vatican knows from customer service:

The airline provided a small bottle of holy water, in the shape of the Virgin Mary, for each passenger, once they had boarded the plane for the flight home from Lourdes.

Are they being sold on eBay yet?

On behalf of comedians everywhere I would like to say, “Thank God for Vatican Airlines.”

Somebody must have flipped off the Pope-mobile: Vatican issues 10 commandments for drivers

“Forgive me Father, for I have exceeded the speed limit.”

Apparently the Vatican has determined that cars are here to stay. Today the World’s Smallest Nation issued a

36-page document called “Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road” contains 10 Commandments covering everything from road rage, respecting pedestrians, keeping a car in good shape and avoiding rude gestures while behind the wheel.

OK, so I thought this was all covered under “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” and “Have no gods but God,” but what do I know? Unfortunately, this will now serve as a benchmark for Boston drivers (myself included). People will be saying, “I went 7 for 10 today!”

The Vatican’s recognition of the existence of cars a mere century+ after they were invented is a bit of a land-speed record for the Catholic Church. After all, this is the same institution that took four centuries to forgive Gallileo for being right about the Earth moving around the sun. Perhaps one of the reasons that the Vatican acted so quickly was its because of over-crowding. With 1000 cars, the city has a nearly 1:1 ratio of cars per person.