Today’s corporate weasel words: Verizon thinks it’s the CIA

NEW YORK, May 12 /PRNewswire/ — Verizon Communications Inc. (NYSE:VZ) today issued the following statement:

The President has referred to an NSA program, which he authorized, directed against al-Qaeda. Because that program is highly classified, Verizon cannot comment on that program, nor can we confirm or deny whether we have had any relationship to it.

Having said that, there have been factual errors in press coverage about the way Verizon handles customer information in general. Verizon puts the interests of our customers first and has a longstanding commitment to vigorously safeguard our customers' privacy — a commitment we've highlighted in our privacy principles, which are available at http://www.verizon.com/privacy.

Verizon will provide customer information to a government agency only where authorized by law for appropriately-defined and focused purposes. When information is provided, Verizon seeks to ensure it is properly used for that purpose and is subject to appropriate safeguards against improper use. Verizon does not, and will not, provide any government agency unfettered access to our customer records or provide information to the government under circumstances that would allow a fishing expedition.

This is a classic non-denial denial. We can't comment on it because it's classified. Well, that's convenient but that really only works if you are an arm of the government or are under a court order (yeah like there's a court order anywhere near this fiasco). I love the fact that they won't confirm or deny what's been in the headlines but they will attempt to correct "factual errors in press coverage." How about you just say what you have and/or haven't done? You report, we decide. Hey, that's catchy. And here's the classic phrase "…under circumstances that would allow a fishing expedition." Now there's a clause you could hide a corporate rep behind. And I love the implicaton that somehow Verizon will know what the CIA/NSA/TSA/ETC is going to do with the information that's being handed over. If Verizon does indeed know that then I have just spotted a truly staggering security problem with our intelligence agencies.

BWA HA HA: Must read PugBus' wonderful story on Bush, Verizon Team Up to Sell NSA Telephone Spying Program. Starting to be something a little ominous about that giant network following the guy around everywhere…

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I’ve enjoyed about as much of this as I can stand

• Upgraded the cell phone today and found out about the latest in wireless ripoffs: Got charged $10 to transfer my phone book from the old phone to the new. If my knowledge of electronics is right (well, it could happen) that means a profit of about $9.98 for Verizon. Oh, and I love the fact that they charge extra for a carrying case. Interesting loyalty builder — I pretty much only considered Motorola phones because I have a bunch of their chargers.
• Neotopia is a red state! Both Mrs. Collateral Damage and CDjr spend a fair amount of time on the marketing collosus that is Neopets. He got her hooked. I got no problem with that. There are several word games they play. Two words that the games won’t recognize as legitimate words: sex and cards.
• File under: Nice work if you can get it. Some ignorant legislator in Illinois is objecting to the fact that comedian Bernie Mac is going to be paid $500K this year for lending “his name and likeness for two TV ads, two radio ads and the lottery Web site for one year.” This amounts to roughly 2.5 days of work which means Mr. Mac is getting $23K an hour. Not sure, but I think that’s more than the minimum wage. Mr. Mac must be doing a heck of a job, as this is $80K more than he earned for doing the exact same thing last year. Now for entirely self-serving reasons, I have to say WAY TO GO DUDE! Don’t forget us, your less talented brethren in the comedy field.
• Two more product placements in The Sopranos last night. Sigh. Do it all you want on 2.5 Men or American Idol, but please can we leave it out of the little actual art on the airwaves? (David Fine is doing a better job of tracking this than I am, FYI.)
• No apology needed. TOKYO (Reuters) – A Japanese teacher, gripped by the baseball fever that seized the nation during a game with bitter rival South Korea, was forced to apologize after watching the game in a classroom where students were taking a test. In the Boston School system you get reprimanded for not having the game on. More true tales of Collateral Damage: In the week that lead up to the Bucky BLEEPING Dent game in ’78, all the nuns and lay teachers at St. Patrick’s Word of God in Providence RI — an evangelical Catholic institution where I went for jr. high school — just happened to have a radio on for all the day games. This was my first insight into what the phrase “Grace of God” was all about. Bumpersticker seen in the parking lot of McCoy Stadium in Pawtucket (pronounced peh-tuckit), home of the Triple AAA Red Sox team The PawSox (not pronounced peh-sux) in the late 80s: My daughter may be a whore, but at least she’s not a Yankee fan.