Look out Virgin Air: Vatican launches discount airline

The world’s first airline for Catholic pilgrims has Vatican logos on the headrests and air hostesses’ uniforms and a slogan no commercial carrier can compete with: “I’m Searching for Your Face, Lord.” The airline took to the heavenly skies Monday with a flight from Rome’s Fiumicino airport for the shrine of Lourdes in France.

Best quote from a competitor:

The Vatican hopes to fly pilgrims from Rome to Santiago de Compostela in Spain, a route already serviced by the low-budget carrier. “Ryanair already performs miracles that even the Pope’s boss can’t rival, by delivering pilgrims to Santiago de Compostela for the heavenly price of 10 euros,” Ryanair said in a statement.

Competition is hell.

Sometimes the jokes write themselves.

• I believe Woody Allen had a line to the effect that the only drawback to traveling by transubstantiation is that they still loose your luggage.
• Midwest Airlines has (had?) a tradition of a serving freshly baked cookies on each flight, I can only hope Papal Air doesn’t follow the same route. Will the pilots be allowed to drink communion wine before flying?
• Unfortunately the airline won’t be flying to the US because the FAA won’t certify God as a co-pilot.

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Diets can be harmful to your fiscal health

In the UK, a pilot for Virgin Atlantic lost his job because he reeked of booze. Sounds reasonable. He got his job back when it was decided that his low-carb diet made him smell like alcohol. Don’t ask me but here’s the official quote: “Subsequent blood tests later confirmed that the amount of alcohol in his blood was the equivalent to that of a non-drinker.”

Is this going to become the alcoholic’s equivalent of the over-weight claiming that it’s really a thyroid condition?

In China, celebs are learning the pitfalls of accepting money to endorse a product: A Chinese comedian has been sued by a diet-tea drinker who accused him of making false claims in an ad for “Tibetan Secret Fat Elimination Tea.”

Guo Degang claimed he had lost 6.6 lb since drinking the “miraculous Tibetan tea” and his slogan — “No big belly after three boxes of tea” — soon became a popular catch phrase. The plaintiff said she bought three boxes of tea because she was a fan of Guo, but found she lost no weight at all and suffered nausea and vomiting. Sounds like it should be called Tibetan Bulemia Inducing Tea.

In case this first deception wasn’t enough, the plaintiff also said later learned that the tea had nothing to do with Tibet.

In a related story, BankRate.com is running a really good story about “How Much Does Cost To Lose 30 pounds?” In which they run the numbers on how much Jenny Craig, WeightWatchers, NutriMax, et al. will slim your wallet if not your waist line.

• Jenny Craig: Jenny TuneUp, $49, for those who have less than 10 pounds to lose; Jenny OnTrack, $199, a six-month program; and Jenny Rewards, $399 or $358, a 12-month program that rewards dieters efforts and weight loss with discounts on food. That doesn’t include the prepackaged foods which generally cost $11 to $17 per day, or $77 to $119 per week.
• NutriSystem estimated it would take four months. Cost: $1,174.88, including all food, except fresh greens and dairy.
• LA Weight Loss Centers: $685 for 73 weeks, not including the cost of food and something called L A Lite bars.
• Weight Watchers: $214.80 and $299.80, depending on location, or $97.75 online, not including food.
• Zone Diet: $3,599.10 to $4,798.80 — all inclusive.

Or you could eat less and exercise more and get busted when you take the money you would have spent on this nonsense and instead use it to feed the homeless in Orlando. Your call.