Dove ad makes a big before-and-after mistake

 

dove

Image via Sociological Images

Now clearly all the women in this ad from Oprah’s magazine are supposed to be showing off the wonderful “after” effect of using Dove soap. It’s just that the women (who are shaped like actual women – bravo, as usual, to Dove) are arranged by their skin’s melatonin content and therefore seems to say that the woman on the left … Well, you can see it for yourself obviously.

As the great blog Sociological Images notes:

I continue to be puzzled that multinational corporations with resources for large-scale marketing campaigns so often stumble in awkward ways when trying to include a range of racial/ethnic groups in their materials. This seems to occur by not sufficiently taking into account existing or historical cultural representations that may provide a background for the interpretation of images or phrases in the advertising. In this case, the arrangement of the models combined with the text above and below them unfortunately intersects with a cultural history in which White skin was seen as inherently “more beautiful” than non-White skin (not to mention thinner bodies as more beautiful than larger ones).

BTW, have I mentioned what a great blog Sociological Images is, lately? Have I urged you to read it daily, as I do? What’s that? I haven’t? Well, shame on me.

What if Teva made stiletto pumps? Now remove the part about “What if.”

tevastiletto-490x490When I came across this my jaw dropped so far and so fast it made me wish my office had carpeting. Mad, mad props to TheGloss.com for finding this and for writing “they come in two colors – “Natural” and “Worlds Unite” (black and white, natch). Is it a good idea or bad idea to wear them with socks? And why do they cost $330?”

The perfect thing to wear to a post-apocalypse formal affair. Like when the world has run out of oil and and the bad guys careen around the highways anyway with guns and high fashion models and the only person you can rely on is that nameless stranger who will someday grow up to be an anti-Semitic psychopath.

Lawyers allege being a woman not a “Pre-Existing Condition”

A bunch of lawyers, in an attempt to provoke a SOCIALIST TAKEOVER of the great and beneficial insurance industry, are claiming that having a uterus is no reason to be charged HIGHER INSURANCE PREMIUMS.

The lawyers, working for the thoroughly unbiased National Women’s Law Center, even talked The Whimpernator –  COMMIE-SYMPATHIZER & SELLOUT Gov. Schwarzenegger, to sign a law state law banning gender rating, which is the practice of charging women higher insurance rates than men for the same services.

But wait it gets worse! The NWLC (clearly an ACORN front group) now wants this same OVER REGULATION applied TO THE ENTIRE NATION! The group’s hairy-legged leader, Marcia Greenberger, told the DEMOCRAT CONTROLLED SENATE,

"Across health insurance markets, discriminatory industry practices put fair and affordable coverage out of reach for far too many women. We have heard repeatedly from predominately female businesses that have learned that their health insurance premiums are higher because of the gender of their employees.”

Note that she said, “heard repeatedly from predominately female businesses.” Well they’re just a bunch of biased whiners. And get a load of these “statistics”

  • Women are charged as much as 48 percent more than men for health insurance. (OF COURSE THEY ARE! Men don’t have those naughty bits! Naughty bits are expensive!)
  • Of the more than 3,500 plans studied, 60 percent did not cover maternity care. (Maternity care is a another plot to subvert CAPITALISM! My mother didn’t care about me and look how I turned out!)

 

 

(Waits for someone to not get this…)

Cute is the hot trend in self-defense gadgets

The phrase “stunning lipstick” is now literally true. Women (and men who are very secure in their self-image) can now carry this wonderful little number that combines a flashlight and 350,000 volts of self-protection. OK, is it just me or is the possibility of a self-inflicted injury pretty impressive here? BTW, if stun guns aren’t your thing, you can also get knives and pepper spray in lipstick-shaped containers. (A more stylish selection of lipstick stun guns can be found here, if you think the ones at right are too plain to show to any potential muggers.)

If you don’t mind that it’s ugly as all get out, you can wear a ring/pepper spray combo. And if someone tells you they think it’s unattractive … well I know one way to win that argument.

The cell phone is another popular shape when it comes to disguising personal protection implements. Again, I have to wonder why Mr. Bad Guy would allow you to grab your cell phone, but if that’s what people are comfortable carrying then I am all in favor of it.

One of the best ways to make sure you don’t have to use gadgets like these is to make it obvious that you are carrying these items. In the past this has meant choosing function over form and strapping something in basic black to your side. Fortunately this is no longer the case. Now, you can combine whimsy and a true drop-dead attitude with this leopard-skin print Taser. Have to say I was a bit disappointed to see that the Taser holster is still only available in basic black.

However should that not be nearly cute enough for you (where’s Hello Kitty when you need her?), there is always the Don’t touch Me! Lovely Pink Seal Stun Gun Lovely Taser Weapon! Gotta warn you though, with only 195 volts of shocking power (I think) you’re giving up a lot for the cuteness factor.

But, as they say, that’s not all. There’s also a very cute pink camo pepper-spray holder. (Which I suppose you could also use to hold actual lipstick.)

“Oh dear! Mr. Collateral Damage,” you may ask, “what do I do if I am going to a more formal event?” Have no fear my dear, the invisible hand of the marketplace is there to help you keep someone else’s visible hands to himself AND look good with diamonds or pearls. The wonderfully named PepperFace sells all sorts of glam pepper spray dispensers adorned with actual authentic Swarovski crystals.

Stun guns and pepper-dispensers come in all sort of less, well, girly shapes as well. For dual functionality nothing can top the old stun gun and flashlight combo as far as I’m concerned. Although I’ve always preferred the basic MagLite with six D cells. It’s a flashlight AND a giant honkin’ piece of metal that you can whack someone with. No worrying about whether the little electronic doohickies made contact with that. However, I now know of something that would be more effective — the combination flashlight AND sharp pointy stick! This is called a “tactical flashlight” and the one that caught my eye promises, “Unlike ordinary tactical lights with crenellated bezel that can often inflict unnecessary harms to oneself, K2 features sharpened spikes around the bezel that protrude outward only when the spike protector is lowered. With the spikes protected when not needed, the fast turn threading allows the rapid retraction of the spike protector. These spikes are sharpened far more than those ordinary crenellated bezel light.

The one drawback with this as far as I’m concerned is that it doesn’t come in a version big enough to house six D cell batteries. Nor does it come in pink. C’mon invisible hand of the marketplace, a need is going unmet!

“Escaped chimp gets snack, cleans bathroom” or, why fewer women are choosing not to have a spouse

According to the NYT: 51 percent of women in 2005 reported living without a spouse, up from 35 percent in 1950 and 49 percent in 2000.

While the article contained much thumb-sucking as to why this is so, the actual reason was revealed today. Men are being replaced by a more evolved primate. A chimp at the Little Rock Zoo escaped from its pen and “then went into the bathroom, picked up a toilet brush and cleaned the toilet.” The 120-lb, 37 year-old also “wrung out a sponge and scrubbed down the fridge.” (No word on what brand of toilet cleaner our simian replacements preferred. Now that’s a marketing opportunity.)

If Mrs. Collateral Damage starts buying Purina Monkey Chow … I really wouldn’t blame her.

Another thing working in favor of chimps, they are willing to help fight the latest threat to women’s health: Giant hand bags.

Bags for women have become bigger and heavier as designers combine briefcases with handbags and straps have become longer but the extra leverage has many patients complaining of neck, shoulder and back problems.

A monkey will take a turn lugging one of these monstrosities, but a guy doesn’t even want to be caught looking into one.

As every coach I ever had said to me: The difference between chimp and chump is u, er, you, er, me.

UPDATE: Maybe chimps are not that big an improvement after all.

At Caddo Parish’s Chimp Haven, where retired male chimpanzees all get vasectomies, a female chimp has turned up pregnant. Chimp Haven managers knew something was up when they could not find one of their chimps last week.

Lies about the vasectomy and then runs when the bill comes do. Men are such pigs. Even when they’re monkeys.