Marketers love putting booze into guns

Apparently the hot idea in niche alcohol sales is to put your product into a package that looks like a weapon of personal destruction.

The tequila company Hijos de Villa offers both a sidearm and a long-gun.

There’s also a choice vodka in two different iconic machine guns: The Tommy or the AK-47. Or it you want to better target your vodka, there’s also a Sniper version.

Sadly you have far fewer choices if you don’t drink the hard stuff. Wine drinkers are all liberals, right? So the best you can do is a bottle opener for your Beaujolais. And beer drinkers don’t even get that. Yep, despite its claims to be the Silver Bullet — there’s nothing from Coors (or any other brewer I could find) that had any trace of verisimilitude on the topic.

Of course you can put whatever substance you want in one of these flasks. You have a choice of one that looks like a pistol or looks like it saved you from a pistol. (If we ever become really good friends I’ll tell you the story of why I drove a bayonet through a silver flask.)

And fear not if your taste for mood altering substances run to something less potable:

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The ultimate in targeting the women’s market: The Hello Kitty AK-47

This puts that pink shotgun all to shame. Does HelloKittyHell* have one of these?

Hello Kitty AK

GlamGuns is the best satire site I’ve seen in a long time. Be sure to check out My First Carbine.

glamgunsLadies! Has your daughter succumbed to societal brainwashing? Does she refuse toy soldiers for Barbie and pass up BB guns for My Little Pony or Hello Kitty items? Have you despaired of interesting her in the practical aspects of life, such as weaponry and self-defense?

If so, this site is for YOU!

At GlamGuns.com, we’ve combined the girliness of glamor with the practicality of military expertise and have created a collection that will make your child shriek with joy! From the My Little M4 Carbine to the Hello Kitty “HK-AK-47”, you’ll find something for the little girl in everyone!

And we haven’t forgotten the Moms!

From the rocket launcher inspired by Mother Theresa to the Martha Stewart colors Claymore mines, the Glambo Signature Collection has something for you as well!

Hmmm, SSG Big Brother Collateral Damage is having a birthday this week… hmmm…

*Not only does HelloKittyHell have it, they have the whole freakin’ Hello Kitty arsenal.

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