High heels for babies and athletes?

Apparently it is the moment when everyone from infants to athletes need to have high heeled shoes. A company called Heelarious has put out a line of high-heeled infant shoes. They would really irritate me if it weren’t for the fact that they are aimed at the pre-walking set and so won’t do any harm. Wanna mess with peoples’ heads? Put a pair on a boy baby. People flip when they see anything that even smacks of transgender “transgression” in a kid. When he was 5, CD jr. went out for Halloween as one of the Power Puff Girls. The looks we recieved when people said what a pretty girl and he said “boy” were wonderful. I’m like, he’s 5 — gender is not yet an issue for him. Can we wait a few more years before we start the stereotyping?

Even though I’m not a fan of heels (just seeing them worn makes my feet hurt), I do like these new homage to Converse’s Chuck Taylors. ($65 here.) Only thing better would be a high heel set of Timberlands.

Hmmm, seems I’m a little late to the trend on this one. Other variations on the theme include this one for $130

Or this for $10.

Or for more formal moments this is available for $14

Oh Lord. Today is apparently the day when I channel the spirit of my dear departed friend Tony Cheung who knew more about women’s shoes than anyone I’ve ever met. On the wings of victory, queen!

An Expose of the Baby-Industrial Complex

This story I wrote years ago about how marketers prey upon the self-inflicted fears of new parents has been getting a lot of traffic of late, so I thought I’d give it a plug.

FIRST, LET’S DISPENSE WITH any pretense of objectivity, I am a paranoid, first-time parent. As I write this, my son Greg is playing quietly and contentedly in his room. At one year old, he coos, takes tentative steps, laughs, screams like the devil’s on his tail when he wants to, beats his arm in time to music (at least as well as his father), and in general seems to thoroughly enjoy his life.That’s why I’m convinced he’s autistic.

Either that or it’s another neurological malady no one will notice until it’s far too late. Yesterday he was scratching at a bug bite, and I instantly knew it was lyme disease. Today he is crying more than usual, which means he is undoubtedly suffering from the first horrible arthritic symptoms of the disease.

I am not alone in this private hell. My wife has diagnosed nearly as many ailments as I have. Her biggest fear seems to be breathing stoppage. Not choking, just immediate, independent cessation, sort of like spontaneous human combustion of the lungs. This is what exposure to too many warnings about sudden infant death syndrome will do to you.

All of which makes us only slightly less rational than any of the other new parents we know. It also makes us the perfect marks for the Baby Industrial Complex (BIC), whose motto seems to be: If You Scare Them, They Will Spend. The BIC’s ad campaigns have refined this application of guilt and fear to a fine art. Their message: You are a bad parent. Your child is going to die a horrible death unless you buy our products.

You can read the rest here if you want.

(BTW, just so you can gauge the accuracy of my predictions: Greg is fine and finishes sixth grade this month. Well, at least I think he’s fine — there’s always the chance he has … )