Press release wants you to “Celebrate Hitler’s Birthday by Knowing the Truth about Christianity, Nazism, and the Holocaust”

MEDIA ADVISORY, April 20 /Christian Newswire/ — In a book released today, on Hitler’s birthday, Author Joe Keysor combats the growing charge that Christianity fed the Nazi purge of the Jews and Hitler’s hatred in his book "Hitler, the Holocaust, and the Bible: A Scriptural Analysis of Anti-Semitism, National Socialism, and the Churches in Nazi Germany."

Many Christians are unaware that their faith is being painted more and more as the reason for Hitler’s hatred for the Jews and the cause of the Holocaust. "New" Atheists like Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris are doing their best to depict all religion as dangerous and Christianity included. Other secularists have continued this train of thought by asserting that Hitler was a Christian.

Ummmm, “celebrate”?

Press release alleges I am “part of a select group of media purchase influencers”

As a part of a select group of media purchase influencers, we will pay you $20.00 in return for completing our Media Influencer Survey. You will also receive special highlights of the results after you finish the survey. It’s our way of thanking you for your participation. We’ll also send the Advertiser Optimism Report to your email, which includes study results from the most recent wave of our bimonthly tracking study. The survey should take less than 30 minutes to complete.

If I’m influencing anyone to purchase any media they really need to look for a new line of work. Maybe I have a reverse influence — “well, if he hates it it’s got to be popular.”

The “Advertiser Optimism Report”? They’re going to send me a blank email?

Microsoft reveals previously unknown gift for satire

This is from The Waffle Group blog — where it really is all about the syrup:

It certainly seems that Microsoft are moving into the scathing humour industry when one looks at this press release entitled “Microsoft Brings Holiday Cheer on a Budget to Hispanic Families With Microsoft Office 2007 and Microsoft Office 2007 Language Pack in Spanish.”

Honestly, that really is the headline. Holiday Cheer on a Budget! With Microsoft Products! Now in Spanish!

It’s either satire, or Microsoft are using their system administrators to write press releases.

Damn! Wish I’d found this first. You really owe it to yourself to read the rest of the post.

CONFIRMED!!!! A bad press release!!!

Zoo Atlanta wants there to be no doubt that they’ve got an important knocked-up panda on their hands — that’s why they doubly confirmed it in a release announcing the pregnancy of 11-year-old giant panda Lun Lun:

The confirmation of today’s ultrasound is a confirmed indication that birth is eminent!!!

OK, it would be far too easy and cheap a joke to say that only in Atlanta is a pregnant 11 year-old viewed as a good thing. So I am not going to make that joke. Nope. Won’t do it.

In addition to finding out that a panda birth is eminent, the release also contained this nugget of information:

In late July, Lun Lun began demonstrating a sharp decrease in appetite, followed by lethargy, somnolence and withdrawn behavior – all normal and expected patterns for a female giant panda experiencing either pregnancy or pseudopregnancy.

Also normal and expected patterns for 45-year-old bloggers before their first cup of coffee.

Many thanks to devoted reader isisinator for sending this along. If you should come across any impressively bad press releases please send them to cvon ((at)) areporter ((DOT)) com.

For another beaut check out this one that my ol’ buddy Rob found. It starts: In the newly released benchmark report, Application Security: Protect Sensitive Data while Improving Compliance, Aberdeen Group, a Harte-Hanks Company (NYSE:HHS), found that on average, Best-in-Class organizations …

and that’s just the first half of the first sentence.

Press release of the day: “Warning — Romantic Apathy Runs Rampant Among Christians”

It’s everywhere! You read the blogs, see report after report… Romantic Apathy is running rampant and it’s affecting Christian relationships all over the world. It’s bursting through on televisions, creeping in by email, and now, cell phones make it even easier to whisper words of love without ever having to look into each others eyes.


Noticing the trend, Guy Bickel, the originator of a unique Christian CD for romantic enlightenment entitled The Original Love Song, references a recent blog article entitled ‘Romance in the Age of Irony’, where Urban Survivor writes: “Love in the 21st Century is a joke… it’s a punch line in a sitcom. It’s an e-mail with a lame smiley face in place of an original phrase. It’s a hasty text message (LUV U) with a hieroglyph where your heart ought to be.”

Romance In The Age Of Irony doesn’t stand a chance against Making Money During Romance In The Age Of Irony.

BTW, I am starting an effort to amend the constitution to raise the age of irony to 40.

Press release of the day: “McDonald’s Enters the Catering Business … to the LGBT Community”

McDonald’s response should be clear and unequivocal: “Everyone’s welcome to eat our food-like products but we want everyone to understand this: WE DON’T DO BRUNCH.”

On one hand, McDonald’s foray into corporate support of the Lesbian, Gay, Homosexual and Transgendered (LGBT) community is getting rave reviews from the folks at The National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC). The McDonald’s Corporation paid $20,000 to become a member of NGLCC and have a seat on the board of directors.  Richard Ellis, McDonald’s USA vice president of communications was “thrilled” to join the chamber and stated that he “shares the NGLCC’s passion” for business growth and development in the LGBT community.

On the other hand, this foray has sparked the ire of groups such as the American Family Association (AFA) who is currently calling for a boycott of McDonald’s – until they remain neutral in the culture war.  Another company, the Timothy Plan Family of mutual funds handles McDonald’s pro-homosexual activism in a uniquely different fashion.  This fund family refuses to invest in McDonald’s because of the fact that they are promoting, what the fund calls, Non-Traditional Married Lifestyles.

I have no doubt this will be every bit as successful as the AFA boycott of Disney. During said boycott I believe (and I’m totally making this number up) Disney tripled in value.

Press release of the day: “Can Batman Teach Spiritual Truth”

Shouldn’t questions have a question mark at the end of them?

We too have a superhero that came to rescue us from evil and an eternity apart from Him. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. And our Superhero shows us that life is only found by using our great gifts and power to serve others and rescue the desperate. We need to become Robin to His Batman. We are part of the team and He’s counting on us to respond.

Lord, deliver us from your followers …

Press release of the day: “Intelligent Design Rocks”

UK rock phenomenon “The V-Rats” have now launched their new album “Intelligent Design.” … The V-Rats are now embarking in 2008 to 2009 on a series of live shows across the globe to promote Intelligent Design which is gaining great reviews from the all aspects of the Christian and secular media and looks set to be one of the “must have” albums for 2008.

It’s like School House Rock minus the whole facts and education thing.

5 Worst Press Releases of 2007

  1. You do what? BAAGZ, from the French Web and enterprise search company Exalead , is a new search and collaboration system, still in beta, that applies Web 2.0 features to social networking. While the idea of using search topics and vetted results as nodes around which dynamic topical networks could form is interesting, the current early beta implementation gives just a hint of what may be possible.
  2. Most baffling attempt to cash in on a tragedy: With all the bad news about contaminated pet food, there’s actually some good news in the pet industry! Not only is going environmentally green a hot topic in real estate right now, but the 38-BILLION DOLLAR pet industry is also seeing a surge in companies going green too. (Italics added)
  3. Reads like it was translated from another language by Babelfish: Who is the first one to come running full speed ahead when you get home from work ˆ well if you are a blessed pet owner ˆ you know the feeling! With both hearts racing with happiness ˆ gone are your workday worries and now it’s time to relax at home sweet home and put together a masterpiece! Art Casso Pet Painting Kits are a great reward to allow you both to creatively express through art and don’t forget to get inspired from the lovely Pet Art By Kate that’s already hanging on the wall. PAWSitive Expressions for you and your Pet to Enjoy with Pup-Casso & Kitty-Casso painting kits or Pet Art By Kate! Give the gift of Pup-Casso & Kitty-Casso and you’ll be known as the “cat’s meow.” World’s first no mess ˆ non toxic, paint kit for pets just awarded 2nd Place at the Global Pet Expo! Is your pet the next “Mutt-isse” or “Leonardo DaKitty”? You and your pet will create a masterpiece you will cherish forever! Transform your artwork into professionally made gifts you and your pet can share & wear. They’re fun, creative, and stimulating. (All typos are from the original.)
  4. Headline least likely to make me keep reading: PQ Media Expects Political Spending Splurge in 2008
  5. Next time let’s leave Jesus out of this: Has Jesus returned as a phone? Landor brand expert available to comment on Apple’s iPhone The iPhone has risen! One of the most anticipated products of 2007, the Apple iPhone – sometimes referred to by bloggers as the Jesus phone for its “savior status” – will hit store shelves on June 29th.

And a bonus — Most Indecipherable Mission Statement:

  • Zimbra is the leader in open source, next-generation collaboration and messaging software. We provide innovative experiences to end-users and their administrators because we see existing tools are fundamentally broken. We also believe in compatibility with existing infrastructure and applications (both open source and proprietary). Apparently writing jargon doesn’t hurt the bottom line: In September Yahoo! paid $350M for Zimbra.

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