Store owners shoot congenial, hairy beer customer

Owners of the Marketplace Foods in Hayward, Wis., decided to call in the law when a 125-pound male entered the store and, without bothering anyone, walked to the beer cooler and sat down. The customer then waited patiently for an hour. To this reporter’s eyes it seems clear he was waiting for a staff member to locate his preferred brand, but the brains at the store didn’t feel that way. Acting on the gross and unfair prejudice that because said customer was a black bear and therefore must be a threat (Why must we fear what we don’t understand?) managers called  officials from the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources who tranquilized and removed the customer.

This kind of treatment should be reserved solely for executives from Bear-Stearns. (sorry. I had to do it.)

In case you think I am misreading this incident, remember that EYEWITNESSES “say the bear seemed content to sit in the cooler — and they note that he didn’t drink any of the beer.” (emphasis added)

Given the number of breweries which have used bears to sell their beer without recompense (gallery below), I hope they will hire a sympathetic law firm to come to the defense of this cruel victim of bad customer service.

lawyerbearheader

As the astute songwriter Steven Fromholz noted in his song Bears (ably performed here by one Mr. Lyle Lovett):

Some folks say there ain’t no bears in Arkansas
Some folks never seen a bear at all
Some folks say that bears go around eating babies raw
Some folks got a bear across the hall

Some folks say that bears go around smelling bad
Others say that a bear is honey sweet
Some folks say this bear’s the best I ever had
Some folks got a bear beneath their feet

Some folks drive the bears out of the wilderness
Some to see a bear would pay a fee
Me I just bear up to my bewildered best
And some folks even see the bear in me

So meet a bear and take him out to lunch with you
And even though your friends may stop and stare
Just remember that’s a bear there in the bunch with you
And they just don’t come no better than a bear

 

ursus  russian bear beer 

  big black beer bear-beer280

product_bearbeer  Chocolate_Bear_Beer

ruf0506 lawyer_beer

hamms AW-Root-Bear

karhu thirsty-bear-logo

Drops His Guts Cover

Same author, additional blog

Anyone not already bored with my writing is invited to take a look at my new blog (or maybe it’s a new department of this blog?) The Ministry of Culture.

The Ministry of Culture is about looking for God in all the facets of culture — rock & roll, Shakespeare, science fiction, roller derby, opera, comedy and whatever else crosses my path. All opinions will be honest and irony free. However ,as in everything else in life, not all will be explained or made explicit.

Today’s inaugural posts are Part 1 in my highly idiosyncratic guide to gospel music and a selection from master humorist & historian Will Cuppy on Dolly Madison. Today is the 340th anniversary of Mrs. Madison’s birthday. What does this last post have to do with a Supreme Being? Not much directly. But I like to think that God likes us so much that He shared Mr. Cuppy with us for a while.

Anyone so interested might also care to read some of my favorite quotes from other writers.

FWIW, the logo above is by Neil Curtis and was scanned without permission from his magnificently strange and sublime children’s (?) book Bear Dinkum. It is a sublime meditation on art, God, Australia and the use of hand-to-hand violence in modern ballet. Sadly I have been unable to locate a copy of the sequel — not making this up — Bear Dinkum Drops His Guts.