A word of thanks to President Bush

ulysses-grantI would like to take a moment to thank President Bush for the great service he has rendered me personally. I have been a fan of Ulysses S. Grant for much of my life. I have always admired Grant for his perseverence during devestating personal set backs as well as his sense of personal honor — honor in the sense of needing to uphold his good name through good acts. Sadly this sense of honor lead to his greatest downfall. He believed that others were as straighforward and honorable as he was. As a result he presided over one of the most corrupt administrations in US history. It is well-documented that he himself was not corrupt and was one of the few in his administration who didn’t personally profit. As a result his administration was long considered one of, if not the worst in US history.

The debate is now over! Mr. Bush has set a — hopefully — all-time record for incompetence and idiocy by a US president. If the soon-to-be ex-president has not redeemed Gen. Grant, he has certainly given historians a better sense of perspective on what being a bad president truly involves.

BTW, while it IS true that President Bush spent his final few hours in office calling other world leaders, I do not believe the rumor that they all said, “Lose my number.”

10 things a satirist gives thanks for

  1. The Bush Administration
  2. GM’s “leadership” (What’s the difference between the cub scouts and GM? Adult supervision.)
  3. Sarah Palin and her handlers sarah-palin-turkey-slaughter-big
  4. The voters of Minnesota. Jesse Ventura! Al Franken! (someone’s spiked the 10,000 lakes).
  5. Jaguar Land Rover for applying for a bailout.
  6. Barney Frank: “These two entities — Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac — are not facing any kind of financial crisis. The more people exaggerate these problems, the more pressure there is on these companies, the less we will see in terms of affordable housing.
  7. The Chicago Cubscub curse
  8. Alan Greenspan
  9. The phrase “too big to fail.” Econ speak for: About to bite the dust.
  10. Joe Biden: “When the stock market crashed, Franklin Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the princes of greed. He said, ‘look, here’s what happened.’”

Penguin seal

Bush: “You’re doing a heckuva job, economy!”

As if we didn’t have enough reasons to worry, now GW is saying the economy is strong. “I am confident that our capital markets are flexible and resilient and can deal with these adjustments.” We’re all in the 9th Ward now.

See Lehrer, Tom: “I feel like a Christian Scientist with appendicitis.”

Remarks by the President at Ceremonial Groundbreaking of United States Institute of Peace

Cry Havoc, and Loose the Penguins of Irony!

Mr. Secretary, thank you for your kind introduction, and thank you for inviting me to join you to break ground for the United States Institute of Peace’s new home.  I’m really pleased to be here.  I appreciate what you do to resolve conflict and support new democracies and to build peace by promoting effective diplomacy.

‘Cuz I sure as hell am not going to.

Bush gave up golf for families of Iraq war dead

“I don’t want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the Commander-in-Chief playing golf,” Bush said. “I feel I owe it to the families to be as — to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal.”

My head hurts from this quote.

Dear George, you want to show solidarity with these families? How about you visit each and every one of them. Maybe explain why neither you nor your children have served in this or any other war. How about adequate funding and administration for the Veterans Administration? How about not being an idiot? How about not starting wars on fictitious grounds?

Good Lord.

McCain? Hillary? Obama?

I’ll take any of them over this fool.

Not Huckabee, though. I can’t live through another administration that views facts as malleable.

Prez sez if he were younger he’d go to Afghanistan; an opinion apparently not shared by his daughters

I must say, I’m a little envious. If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed… It must be exciting for you … in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger.” — The Clueless One during a video conference with civilian & military personnel who are facing real danger in Afghanistan. At no time did he say, “Dang, I knew I should have gone to Vietnam.”