Break out the dumb animal stories ‘cuz it’s media silly season

August is when the media collectively takes a nap (tho’ individually it’s not always so), as a result this is the time of year when animal stories (shark gatherings, etc.) take over. They take the phrase dog days of summer very seriously.

Man arrested for barking at Michigan police dog

Pelican at Idaho zoo swallows cell phone

Polar bear Knut to get Italian girlfriend (so that’s what Berlisconi did with her!)

Hunt is on for Mongolian Death Worm (Band name alert: Mongolian Death Worm!)

Will the kangaroo ends romp through French countryside

Law may force Shanghai dogs to walk

Horse tramples car on Israeli highway

Newton dog park critics hire lawyer to make protests a federal case

 

Woof.

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Massachusetts safe from the threat of pet rental

The  Massachusetts House of Representatives has passed a bill that would protect all of us voters from a looming danger — PET RENTAL!

The bill, filed by Representative Paul K. Frost, Republican of Auburn, outlaws pet-rental companies because of what he called “public health, public safety, consumer concerns, and ethical issues.”

“I’m very pleased we were able to get it passed today and engrossed in the House,” Frost said. “It’s a kind of business model that fosters disposable pets.”

Earlier this month, Boston city councilors voted to ban the Flex Petz pet-rental company from opening a Boston branch because of similar concerns, said Frost.

Flex Petz, founded by Marlena Cervantes in 2007, currently operates in New York, Los Angeles, and London. It has been recently criticized by many animal activist organizations.

This is probably the greatest piece of legislation since it tried to ban Marshmallow Fluff two years ago. I know I feel better knowing that this important issue has been dealt with. I can only hope that the Senate and the governor understand the urgency of the threat poised by a company THAT DOESN’T EVEN OPERATE IN THE STATE. I hope the US government and the UN will also act as this is a international issue. Two months ago
we reported on the disturbing trend of Dog rental companies taking off in Tokyo! (Please ignore any comments I made about wanting to start a franchise here as a way to get more dogs in to my life. I misspoke or quoted myself out of context or something.)

I turned to an expert source for more informed opinion on this issue, my Office Manager (right). She said, and this is a verbatim quote, “Snort snuffle snort snort snuffle.”

Remember: When renting pets is outlawed only outlaws will rent pets!

Tigger socks, board games, Crocs and chearing at graduation: Some things people tried to ban during 2007

When (fill in the blank) is outlawed, only outlaws will (fill in the blank)

• Playing board games: In South Carolina, it is illegal to pass Go or collect $200 – even if it is just Monopoly money. The same state law that has forced a local radio station to cancel its charity poker tournament scheduled for next week also makes it illegal for anyone in South Carolina to play a game – any game – that uses cards or dice.
• Having plastic genitalia on your car: Maryland Delegate LeRoy E. Myers Jr. has introduced a bill that would make it illegal to dangle outsized plastic testicles from the trailer hitches of pickup trucks. (FYI: The bill never made it out of committee.)
• Wearing tigger socks: Toni Kay Scott, a student at Napa Valley’s Redwood Middle School, was sent to an in-school suspension program (with the wonderfully Orwellian-name of Students With Attitude Problems). Her crime? Violating a dress code by wearing socks with Tigger on them, along with a denim skirt and a brown shirt with a pink border. A lawsuit ensued forcing the school district to pay $95K and drop any requirement for students to wear only solid-color clothing.
• Possesing cat urine: 38-year-old Cynthia Hunter of Florida was jailed for 50 days when police found a vial containing a yellow substance in her purse. She said it was cat urine for her son’s science experiment, but she was locked up for 50 days until the lab results confirmed that the substance was indeed cat urine.
• Swearing at your toilet: Dawn Herb of West Scranton, PA, faced a disorderly conduct charge after she started swearing at her backed-up toilet near an open window. The charge was later dismissed.
• Hugging: OAK PARK, IL — Percy Julian Middle School Principal Victoria Sharts banned hugging among the suburban Chicago school’s 860 students anywhere inside the building. She said students were forming “hug lines” that made them late for classes and crowded the hallways.
• Wearing Crocs: The wildly popular Crocs — the funky, clog-like resin shoe derided by the fashion conscious — have been deemed unsafe by administrators at Pittsburgh’s Mercy Hospital. BTW, Collateral Damage was the first — and only– place to predict that the “Crocs will kill you meme” would be picked up nationally by the press.
• Wearing baggy pants: Baggy pants that show boxer shorts or thongs would be illegal under a proposed amendment to Atlanta’s indecency laws.
• Drawing pictures of guns in school: An East Valley (Arizona) eighth-grader was suspended this week after he turned in homework with a sketch that school officials said resembled a gun and posed a threat to his classmates.
• Making faces at dogs: Jayna Hutchinson, 33, of Lebanon, N.H., was charged with cruelty to a police animal and resisting arrest after a July 31 incident in West Fairlee, VT. The arresting officer said that Hutchinson then approached his cruiser, where his dog Max was waiting … Putting her face within inches of the window and “staring at him in a taunting/harassing manner,” Protzman wrote in an affidavit. “While the defendant taunted my canine, Max was focused on the defendant and the perceived threat she presented to him,” the affidavit said. “He was no longer focused on me and the other officers at the scene.”
• Cheering at graduation: Indianapolis School Superintendent Eugene White sent letters to putative graduates informing them of a policy forbidding cheering during the reading of the graduates’ names. “The goal is to restore decorum to the ceremonies and make certain that every name can be heard. White’s letter reminds students that attending a graduation ceremony is a privilege, not a right.” Thirty school police officers were to be on hand to enforce the rules.
• Protecting dog barking with the first amendment: The North Dakota Supreme Court has rejected a claim that an anti-barking ordinance is unconstitutional.