The self-shaking salt shaker & other gadgets no one needs

Pull the string on the shaker and it vibrates so the salt or pepper comes out. Because wiggling your fingers is too hard, that’s why. Yeah, but I still have to pick it up in the first place! No word on internet connectivity or whether or not there is a social networking site for this.

However that is not the case with this next item: Feed your pet via the internet! For a mere $300, you can keep an eye on your pets when you’re not home “with the power of Ergo Pet Feeders and INSTEON home control technology. Our pet feeding & viewing kit allows you to both feed your pets & view them from a computer anywhere in the world. You can also automatically have images of your pets at feeding time emailed to you on at scheduled times.“Personally, I would rather they come up a device that lets me handle the pet’s output by remote — the input I don’t mind.

Scientists have finally created a product that will solve a problem which has vexed humanity for millennia! It’s an onion that won’t make you cry when you slice it. “Scientists in New Zealand and Japan have created a ‘tear-free’ onion using biotechnology to switch off the gene behind the enzyme that makes us cry.” Its so nice to know that scientists are resting on their laurels now that they’ve ended cancer, hunger and the energy crisis.

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Five things I DON’T want to find under the Christmas tree

1) The Smoking Mitten: This innovative design from Tobias Wong utilises a metal ringlet perfectly placed and sized to hold your cigarette in the optimum smoking position.2) Designer Ice Cubes: “It’s ice is supposedly of such a high quality, that it comes in a resealable bag, to keep it fresh and pure in your freezer.”

3) Wooden Cross USB Memory Strap: What would Jesus store? I don’t know but apparently He can only hold 2GB of info. So much for being infinite.

4) CrustaStun: This allegedly more humane way to kill crustaceans lets you put the shelled creature into a shallow bath of brine, close the lid and then VOILA! the critters get an electric current that promises “to produce an instant anesthesia and eventually death.” [Note to self: Insert joke about adoption by the state of Texas here.]

5) A Crayon-branded beverage: I hope they taste better as a liquid than they did when I ate them as a kid.