Medical-themed restaurants get all malpractice on each other

HAG18 The fact that “hospital food” is synonymous with inedible hasn’t stopped the opening of two different medical-themed restaurants. Taking the theming even further – one is suing the other for malpractice.

Heart Stoppers Sports Grill in Del Ray, Fla. — which opened in December –  is being sued by Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, Ariz., over who has the right to have waitresses dress like “nurses” and “decorate the premises with a heart defibrillator and a dialysis machine. Make the tables look like wheelchairs, put salt and pepper in pill bottles, and present the bill in a plastic first-aid kit.”

The menu idea associated with this (and I use the word idea very loosely) are things like Chili Chest Pain Fries and The Heart Stopper, a 3-pound burger. At the Heart Stoppers, the menu warns "consumption of our food will definitely lead to obesity" and there is a standing offer of free food to anyone over 350 pounds.

"I’m 90 pounds away from eating for free," said a half-joking, 260-pound Dan Pagano, who was finishing up his $8.25 half-pound burger and fries at Heart Stoppers. Pagano, who writes service orders at a nearby car dealership, has been eating at Heart Stoppers twice a week since it opened.

Lawyers for Heart Attack claim they are “the originator of the medically themed hamburger grill and restaurant.” (Is that really something to brag about?) They also say there are 30 similarities between the two restaurants including the EKG heart monitor imagery on the signage to the free food offer for customers over 350 pounds.

Heart Attack fare includes the Singe & Double-bypass burgers and Flatliner Fries™.

Can we health care reform both of these places out of business before I get sick?

If God is everywhere, why can’t you serve Him a summons … or a beer?

A judge in Nebraska has tossed a lawsuit filed by a state senator against the Almighty because You-Know-Who was never served legal papers.

Just over a year ago Ernie Chambers, the longest serving — and maybe the most powerful — state senator in Nebraska history, sought a permanent injunction against God. He said the Almighty has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.’’

In what may be the best legal argument I’ve ever encountered, Chambers said he has already found a flaw in the Judge’s reasoning: “The court itself acknowledges the existence of God. A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God’s omniscience. Therefore, God would have actual notice of that lawsuit. Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit.’’

Elsewhere in The Realm of the Unknowable … G-D is making His/Her/Its/Their presence known at this year’s Great American Beer Festival:

  • The Lost Abbey brewery of San Marcos, Calif., has a full line of offerings, including one called Judgment Day. Even better, the company also makes a line of “non-denominational ales.”
  • There is also Schmaltz Brewing, makers of “He’Brew … The Chosen Beer.” Brands include Genesis Ale (“our first creation”), Messiah Bold (“the one you’ve been waiting for”), Jewbelation (“L’Chaim!”) and the seasonally released Rejewvenator.
  • Russian River Brewing Co. seems to offer everything you could want in a religion with brands called Damnation, Salvation, Perdition, Redemption, Sanctification, Deification and Benediction.
  • St. Arnold Brewing Co. has Divine Reserve and for believers of any stripe don’t do the whole alcohol thing they make St. Arnold Root Beer as well. (Also have the best name of any beer I’ve ever seen: Saint Arnold Fancy Lawnmower)

School district must pay $95K for banning Tigger socks

Loyal readers will doubtless remember last spring’s post When Tigger socks are outlawed, only outlaws will wear cheerful Disney branded cloth on their feet. In it

Toni Kay Scott, a student at Napa Valley’s Redwood Middle School, was sent to an in-school suspension program (with the wonderfully Orwellian-name of Students With Attitude Problems). Her crime? Violating a dress code by wearing socks with Tigger on them, along with a denim skirt and a brown shirt with a pink border.

tiggerTo no one’s surprise a lawsuit ensued. Said suit has now been settled. The school district has had to cough up$95K in lawyers’ fees and “may no longer require students to wear only solid-color clothing.

Moral of the story: Don’t mess with The T.

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