Star Trek lets you boldly smell like you’ve never smelled before

For me combining the words “Star Trek” and “scent” summons up something rolling off an obese Trekkie (Trekker?) who has only a slight familiarity with soap. (Full disclosure, for some of my life I fulfilled two of these three criteria, today it’s only one.) However the folks at Genki Wear are hoping for a different reaction to the soon-to-be released Star Trek Perfume  – A trio of scents from the final frontier.

Those three scents are not named Spock, Kirk and Picard but Tiberius Cologne (“difficult to define and impossible to refuse”), the allegedly sensual Ponn Farr — the name for the Vulcan seven year itch (a perfume designed to “drive him wild”) and — my favorite — Red Shirt.

For those of you who aren’t Trekkies, red shirts were the cannon fodder on every away team. Their only purpose was to die and add a (very) slight bit of pathos to all the bathos. This iteration of marketers are trying to give the scent a bit of 007-ish elan with the tag line “Because tomorrow may never come.” This definitely sounds better than the much more accurate, “Because you really don’t matter.”

(BTW, anyone care to guess how it is that I am related — by marriage — to perhaps THE MOST IMPORTANT UNHERALDED PERSON IN Star Trek history? Hmmm, anyone? Bueller? Twitter me for the answer.)

UPDATE: The great MijFromBuffalo alerts me to this piece of truth in branding from ThinkGeek:

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Caskets for someone who is a Trekkie to the death

“To boldly be buried as no one has been buried before…”

Eternal Image is a company that seems devoted to helping people get rid of excess cash when they die. When I last checked in, the maker of “brand-name funerary objects” had lines of urns and caskets with Major League Baseball logos and symbols from the Vatican Library. But, as the saying goes, that’s not all …

For the millions of fans on our planet and beyond, our new line of Star Trek urns, caskets, monuments and vaults will be an important discovery indeed. After ten movies and five television series, phrases like “Live long and prosper,” “Resistance is futile” and “Space: the final frontier” have become part of our global vocabulary.

The urn, right, “will feature a bold design reminiscent of the 24th century styling of the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet.” The casket “as been inspired by the popular ‘Photon Torpedo’ design seen in STAR TREK II: The Wrath of Kahn.” (BTW, as someone who has wept through that particular movie more times than he would care to admit, I can tell you that it’s spelled Khan.)

If tacky Trekkie isn’t your way to go, then check out the equal-but-differently tacky line of Precious Moments™ funerary objects. Death, be not un-cute…

Best line from Eternal Image’s mission statement: “We combine the power of brand-names with 21st century materials and composites that won’t rot.” How much more can you ask from a company?