Guides to life from Ken Weaver’s inexplicably out-of-print book Texas Crude: The How-To on Talkin’ Texan.
- “Might as well. Can’t dance and it’s too wet to plow.”
- “I’ve enjoyed just about all of this I can stand.”
- “Anything not a mystery is guesswork.”
- “Ugly as death backing out of an [out]house reading Mad magazine.”
- “If I was doing any better I couldn’t stand it and the law wouldn’t allow it.”
- “Shoot low, they’re riding shetlands.”
- “He can’t find his ass in five tries.”
- “You’d complain if they were hanging you with a new rope.”
- “It’s getting drunk outside.”
- “I feel like I was shot at and missed, [spit] on and hit.”
- “Three things you need to know about plumbing: Water runs downhill, payday is Friday and don’t put your fingers in your mouth.”
- “Walk fast and look worried.”
- “You buy ’em books and you buy ’em books and they keep chewing on the covers.”
- “You can wish in one hand and [spit] in the other and see which one fills up first.”
- “Tougher than a Mexican family.”
Collateral Damage 