The Target Rich Enviroment: Dozen Dumbest Press Releases of the Year

  1. “[Ken] Lay’s death may be the equivalent of a child sticking their fingers in their ears to avoid hearing something bad. But a lot more final. Mark Murphy is CEO of Leadership IQ, a Washington, D.C. based management consulting firm. Mark has some interesting thoughts on the demise of Ken Lay and how others can avoid his fate.”
  2. “The latest Feminine Hygiene’s Innovation in 50 years Addresses Global Warming Issue … With temperatures rising across the country, everyone is aware of the issue of global warming. Fortunately, there is more emphasis on how individuals can be proactive about the issue in their daily life. Not every woman can buy a hybrid automobile, but one company is making a concentrated effort to educate woman about the positive environmental impact their feminine hygiene choice can make to the global warming issue.”
  3. “Ladies and Gentlemen, dear Guests, before I would like to share my next to 50 years of experience as an airline passenger with you, I’d like to take the opportunity to clear one of the biggest lies floating around everywhere in the World: “Second Hand Smoke (SHS, a.k.a. ETS, Environmental Tobacco Smoke) damages your health”. Please refer to our DOWNLOADS page and be surprised by the overwhelming, neutral evidence. By the way, did you know that the NAZIs also sported a huge Anti-Smoking campaign? Yes, they did and the one we experience now, frightningly, carries exactly the same insignia. Now on to a more pleasant subject than fat lies…”
  4. “Japan has reduced its waste into the environment by 1/3 due to Soladey [a toothbrush].  Most people run water the whole time they are brushing. Because this leading-edge technology works with light and saliva, we have the potential of saving tremendous amounts of drinkable water”, explains Powers, who offers an affordable alternative to the $250+ Americans spend on other types of toothbrushes. ‘If everyone would use Soladay, the U.S. would save 1.9 trillion liters of clean drinking water a year!'”
  5. “ Sponsors St. Patrick’s Day Gynecological Visit. … the world’s first sponsorship of a gynecological visit for Shimmer, a long-time eBay celebrity from Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Shimmer will be riding to and from her gynecologist in a limo, will undergo a gynecological exam and will be promoting and cancer prevention throughout the day.”
  6. “Howard Stern and His Crew Recount Their Feelings from Five Years Ago as They Re-Experience the Tragedy. Howard TV to Air Two 9/11 Retrospective Specials Including Footage from the 9/11 and 9/12/01 Shows Which Never Aired on TV.”
  7. “Are You Tired of Late People? Sick of Cell Phone Abusers? You Aren’t Alone According to a New Survey by PetAgree Products …  Everyone has one, what you probably didn’t know is that many of us have the same ones. Call them complaints, annoyances, grievances or Pet Peeves™  — they are the things that pop up throughout the day that drives you crazy.” I’m tired of companies that trademark phrases like Pet Peeves.
  8. “NASCAR Nextel Cup champion Tony Stewart is working with Old Spice to give a lucky fan the sweat towel right off his shoulder (un-washed)!”
  9. “More than half of all Americans (56%) would like to lose a few pounds to look better this summer, with almost half (48%) wishing to lose 10 pounds or more, a new survey by International Communications Research shows.” Survey sponsor: Slim Fast.
  10. “Leading independent interactive agency, [redacted], has collaborated with Sexy Beast to create a fresh, dynamic Web 2.0 site [redacted] to support the launch of a new design-driven, luxury dog brand that unites the pet and beauty industries to create a new genre called ‘pet beauty.’ “
  11. “I have long dreamed of one day finding a way that people could enjoy all of the healthful, anti-oxidant, cholesterol lowering and weight management benefits of unprocessed chocolate without the usual consequences of sugar and artificial sweeteners.”
  12. “The President has referred to an NSA program, which he authorized, directed against al-Qaeda. Because that program is highly classified, Verizon cannot comment on that program, nor can we confirm or deny whether we have had any relationship to it.” – Verizon explaining why they couldn’t comment on handing over consumer phone records to the the government without anything resembling a court order, something President Bush had just discussed with the press corps.

2 thoughts on “The Target Rich Enviroment: Dozen Dumbest Press Releases of the Year

  1. Pingback: Odd brand placement: Spongebob Squarepants Rectal Thermometer « Collateral Damage

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