The ultimate guide to great & real baseball team names

WhoopeeLast week’s action by the Macon Music to hold an Eliot Spitzer Night inspired me to get out one of my all time favorite books (and this will tell you how odd I truly am): Professional Baseball Franchises by Peter Filichia. It is a list of all the baseball franchises that ever existed in the US, Canada & Mexico through 1993 (someone really needs to update it). It lists them by city and — most importantly — by nickname. So I went through the whole damn thing — as well as the most up-to-date lists of currently active teams and found the following team names. All existed, some still do. Sadly the Macon Whoopee does not. They were a minor league HOCKEY team. I have taken the liberty of grouping them into leagues that I thought should exist. Those interested might also want to take a look at this List of Funniest Real Baseball Team Names.

First let me mention that when it comes to baseball –everyone has the Blues. Thirty-two towns and cities have had teams with that name.

THE SELF-ESTEEM LEAGUE

Bridgeport CT Misfits
Lincoln NE Missing Links
LaCross Outcasts
Orphans (17 teams)
Davenport Prodigals
Fall River Adopted Sons
Bluffton IN Dregs
Fremont NE Freaks
Centralia IL Zeros
Bonham TX Boogers

THE MORBIDITY & MORTALITY LEAGUE

Zanesville Flood Sufferers
Memphis FeverGerms
Americus GA Pallbearers
Paris TX Parisites (Extra points for an outstanding pun).
Des Moines IA Undertakers
Rockford IL Wakes
Regina Sask Bonepilers
Hannibal MO & Longview TX Cannibals
Waterloo IA Microbes
Clarksburg WV & Casper WY Ghosts
Springfield OH Reapers

THE BETTER THAN YOU LEAGUE

Anniston AL & Texarkana TX Nobles
Calumet Aristocrats
Paris KY Bourbons
Superior WI Boys
Dunkirk NY Dandies
Quincy IL Debutantes
Ellsworth KS Worthies
Bonham TX Favorites
Hoquiam Perfect Gentlemen
Rochester NY Beay Brummels
Brenham TX Kaisers
(Also Barons x5, Millionaires x8, Moguls x2)

And … because someone has to do the work:

Newark Domestics
Troy NY Washerwomen

THE EDUCATED LEAGUE

Waterbury CT Authors
Stratford ONT Poets
Augusta GA Tygers (Official Team of William Blake)
New Haven Profs
Worcester Riddles
New Haven CT & Sherman TX Students
Durant OK & Fayetville IN Educators
Georgetown TX Pedagogues
Collegians x7

THE MIS-SPELLED LEAGUE

Orem UT Owlz
Knoxville TX Knox Sox (Official team of Dr. Seuss)
Hamilton ONT Kolts
Saginaw MI Krazy Kats (Official team of George Herriman)
Baker Canada Kubs
Keokuk Kernals
Lebanon PA Chix
Granby & Hazlehurst-Baxley Red Socks (someone has to now how to spell)

LEAGUE OF TEAMS YOU DON’T WANT TO UPSET

Shenandoah PA Hungarian Rioters
Salina KS Insurgents
Rockford Indignants
Newburgh NY Cobblestone Throwers
Lynn MA Fighters

More after the jump

POLITICAL LEAGUE

Ionia MS Mayors
Ottumwa Standpatters
Baton Rouge Solons
Wichita Wingnuts (GOP)
Quincy IL Crybabies (DEMS)
Waycross Blowhards
Iola KS Gasbags
Marion OH & Staunton VA Presidents
Findlay OH Natural Gassers
Rome NY Romans & Noble Romans
Bentonville ARK Officeholders
Bridgeport Orators
Middleboro OH Cubsox
(any team that can’t choose between the Cubs and the White Sox is definitely trying to be all things to all people.)
Statesmen x7
Senators x54
(Anyone not surprised that there are more senators than statesmen?)
Lawmakers x3
Legislators x2
Governors x5

POLITICAL PHILISOPHY LEAGUE

Mansfield OH Reformers
Topeka KS Populists
Columbia SC & Decatur Commies
Taylorville IL Taylored Commies
(I’m guessing they were the Trostkyites)
Kearney NE Kapitalists
(“Das Kapital-ists?”)
Canon City CO Swastikas
(Team played one season: 1912, so it was back when the swastika was just a design symbol)
Montreal & Rochester NY Jingos

THE MID-EAST LEAGUE

Cairo IL & Memphis Egyptians
Muscatine IA Camels
Coronado CA Arabs
Hollywood CA, Rutland Vt., Saskatoon Sheiks
West Palm Beach Sheriffs
Monterrey MX & Saltillo Sultans

THE MENTAL ILLNESS LEAGUE

Jacksonville IL & Nevada MO Lunatics
Midland MI Great Lakes Loons
Utica Asylums
Utica Pent-Ups

THE ALCOHOL ISSUES LEAGUE

Des Moine IA and York NE Prohibitionists
Lafeyette IN Wets
Derby CT Lushers
Calgary Eyeopeners
Great Bend KS & South Bend Benders
Johnston-Amsterdam-Gloversville NY Jags
Asheville NC Moonshiners

THE BEST TEAMS TO CHEAT LEAGUE

Staunton VA & Watsonville CA Hayseeds
Providence & Riverside CA Rubes
Bloomington IL Suckers

THE HOLIER THAN THOU LEAGUE

Boston & Natchez MS Pilgrims
Nashville Seraphs
Salt Lake City Elders
Charleston IL & Enid OK Evangelists
Selma Al, Taylorville IL Christians
Battle Creek Adventists
St. Paul Apostles
Palmyra NY Mormons
Charlotte NC Presbyterians
Salem VA Friends
Pekin IL Celestials
Monterrey MX Gray Monks
Angels x24
Quakers x8
Saints x12
Padres x13

9 thoughts on “The ultimate guide to great & real baseball team names

  1. Spelling is fine… if you choose the correct verbiage. And I quote:
    “Granby & Hazlehurst-Baxley Red Socks (someone has to now how to spell)”
    Sheesh little Bro

  2. And try these members of the Ca Golden League:
    Calgary Vipers
    Chico Oulaws
    Edmonton Cracker Cats
    Long Beach Armada
    Reno silver Fox
    San Diego Surf Dawgs
    Yuma Scorpions

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  6. Though they were never in a minor League, but instead in an independent professional baseball league, I like the sound of the Thunder Bay (ON, Canada) Whiskey Jacks. The Whiskey Jack is actually a bird.

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