Molly Ivins — one more bon mot

Collateral Damage Sr. knew the redoubtable Ms. Ivins and kicked around with her a bit. Over the weekend he told me of a multi-hour ride with her in Texas. She was driving and had a beer and a cigarette going the entire time. Despite this, he says, her driving was perfect. (Later in life, she would put down all those beers and other stuff.)

He also told the story of going to give a speech to some Rotarians in Keokuk, Iowa*.  One of the things Molly said: “Everyone knows the three most overrated things in this country are Mack trucks, teen-age pussy and the FBI.”

*It was probably a different group somewhere else in the Midwest. I generally don’t take notes when speaking with family. Sometimes they wish I did, though. “I said I was going to do what?”

A moment of silence for one of the greats … Molly Ivins

It is somehow fitting that she died on the day that Aqua Teen Hunger Force terrorized the city of Boston. Her stories about the Texas legislature alone guaranteed her a place in the comedy and journalism halls of fame. The only thing that rivals them for both humor and reportage is Mencken at the tent revival during the Scopes monkey trial.

• “It’s hard to argue against cynics – they always sound smarter than optimists because they have so much evidence on their side.”
• “As they say around the [Texas] Legislature, if you can’t drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against ’em anyway, you don’t belong in office.”
• “Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.”
• “I am not anti-gun. I’m pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife. In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We’d turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don’t ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives.”