Ten sayings from Zen master Pogo

1. A possum must be himself, and being himself he is honest.
2. There’s no easy quick way out, we’re gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw.
3. Sometimes I don’t always follow you and sometimes I’m not that lucky.
4. Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
5. Romeo wasn’t bilked in a day.
6. Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.
7. Don’t believe something just because you didn’t read it in the papers. Wait until you haven’t seen it on television.
8. Now is the time for all good men to come to.
9. In like a dimwit, out like a light.
10. We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.

BTW, On vacation for awhile… enjoy.

Headline of the day: Teacher OK after crashing into bear on a bicycle

How the bear got onto the bicycle, I’ll never know.

cf: Marx, Groucho: “I once shot an elephant in my pajamas.”

I am chagrined to see that this is my first ever Groucho reference here at Collateral Damage. I apologize to my readers and promise to do better in the future.

PS:  Walt Kelly’s birthday was last month and I forgot to mention it. Again, my apologies. Why is it this book title never goes out of date?

Happy Birthday, Walt Kelly!

Saturday will be the 94th anniversary of the birth of Mr. K who graced us with Pogo, the first graphic novel IMHOP. Huzzah for Albert Alligator, Miss Mam’selle Hepzibah (which was the name of one of Professor Biggest Brother Collateral Damage’s wonderful, wonderful dogs), Churchill “Churchy” LaFemme, Porkypine (my personal role model) and so many others!

Some favorite Pogo quotes:

“We have met the enemy and he is us.”

“Sometimes I don’t always follow you and sometimes I’m not that lucky.”

“Friday the 13th came on a Wednesday this month.”

And of course the best version of Deck The Halls ever:

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an’ Kalamazoo!
Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!

Don’t we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don’t love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!

Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly wolly cracker ‘n’ too-da-loo!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope Cantaloupe, ‘lope with you!

Hunky Dory’s pop is lolly gaggin’ on the wagon,
Willy, folly go through!
Chollie’s collie barks at Barrow,
Harum scarum five alarm bung-a-loo!

Dunk us all in bowls of barley,
Hinky dinky dink an’ polly voo!
Chilly Filly’s name is Chollie,
Chollie Filly’s jolly chilly view halloo!

Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Double-bubble, toyland trouble! Woof, woof, woof!
Tizzy seas on melon collie!
Dibble-dabble, scribble-scrabble! Goof, goof, goof!

(Big thanks to Mark Evanier and his great blog for reminding me of this. Hey Mark, how long until National Dress Like A Gorilla Day?)

U.S. escalates war on concepts: “The enemy is extremism”

In an interview on NPR Gen. David Petraeus showed that logic is not a required course at the Army War college:

Q: A simple question that many in America are now wrestling with: Who is the enemy and what is the U.S. fighting for?

A: The enemy is extremism, we think, and it is extremism that comes in various forms.

I forget, is it the infantry or the artillery who are trained in extreme combat?

Isn’t moderation the best weapon against extremism? But if you do it too well you run the risk of being extremely moderate.

If the enemy is extremism does this mean we’re about to attack the X Games?

Maybe we could attack marketers who use the word extreme when ever they want to appear “hip” and “down” with the kids these days?

I look forward to the Armed Forces blowing up statues of Sen. Barry Goldwater who famously said that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice.

Isn’t going to war a very extreme act?

One definition of extremism is “any political theory favoring immoderate uncompromising policies.” Invade the vice president’s office immediately.

This reminds me of something George Bush the elder said during the first Iraq contretemps: “We are fighting to prove that might does not make right.”

The war on extremism makes the war on terror look good.

Republicans prove they’re smarter than Dems: The leading GOP presidential candidate is None Of The Above

I don’t care if he’s dead. I’m voting for Pat Paulsen. Or Pogo. Or Willie Nelson. Or Chris Rock. Yeah, I’m voting for Chris Rock.

Sardines, a possum & a drag queen: A list of things cities are dropping to celebrate the New Year

Thanks to the Boston Globe, we now know that the following towns will lower the following items at and/or around Midnight Sunday:

• Eastport, ME: A sardine at 12 PM EST and a maple leaf at 12 PM AST, for its Canadian neighbors. I think they should split the difference and lower a sardine soaked in maple syrup at 11:30 PM EST.
• Lebanon, PA: A 10-foot long, 150 lb. bologna. What is it they’re compensating for?
• Atlanta: 800 lb. fibreglass peach. Zzzzzz.
• Brassville, NC: A live possum. People for the Ethical Treatment of Pogo plan to protest.
• Key West, FL: A conch shell, a live pirate wench, and a drag queen named Sushi in a huge red high-heeled show. Mrs. Collateral D. disappointedly noted that these were three separate lowerings. Why they couldn’t make a shoe big enough for all three is beyond us.
• Tempe, AZ: Tortilla chip into a jar of salsa. And none of that damn New York salsa, either.
• Havre de Grace, MD: Wood duck with feathers represented by colored Christmas lights. Extra points for originality.
• Shippensburg, PA: An anchor.
• Port Clinton, OH: A walleye fish.
• Miami: An orange.
• Washington, D.C.: Expectations.
• Detroit: The crime rate.

Oooops, my bad. The last two are fictitious.
And, as I have mentioned brother Pogo already, let us end the year with one of his sublime quotes: “Sometimes I don’t always follow you and sometimes I’m not that lucky.”